Are We Financially Ready for Marriage and Kids?

A listener wrote in, they're engaged. They're planning kids down the line and sitting on close to $800,000 across four accounts.And his question was simple, how do I actually prepare for this? But here's the thing. Most people don't find out what a kid really costs until the bill is already due. And today we're going to get ahead of.Hello and welcome to Financially Confident Christian. I'm so glad you chose to join me today. And today's topic is more common than many people think.It's a time for opportunities, but it's also a time for grief. When you hear this question, you'll understand why I said grief. It's a time for responsibility. And yes, a bunch of unanswered questions.We're going to talk about inheritance, not just money. It's emotional. And our overall goal today is to steward these things wisely while preparing for marriage and family.So let's get right to the question today. Listener wrote this hi Ralph, I'm getting married in about two years and my fiance and I want to have kids down the line.I don't have an immediate timeline, but I want to make sure we're actually prepared instead of just winging it. Here's where I'm at financially. I moved out of my mom's place about a year ago, so I was able to save pretty aggressively.My dad passed away last year and I inherited around $400,000. Right now I've got about 84,000 in my Roth IRA. I've got 72,000 in my 401K.I've got 150,000 in a managed brokerage and 470,000 in a self directed brokerage. We live in New York City, which I know isn't cheap.I haven't really looked into what it actually costs to raise a child or what the smart moves are financially before we have one. Ralph, are there specific things I should be doing with this money now?Should I be thinking about this differently because we're in New York City and, and is there anything I'm missing that most people don't think about until it's too late? Any insight would help. Thank you. Wow. Let me say this. You are in pretty good financial shape.When I look at what you have at your age, you're doing really well. But the fact that you're asking this question is great as well.And it reminds me, I had the same conversation with my oldest son about a year and a half ago. And if you listen to the show, you know, I had a grandson Born a couple weeks ago. So we had this very conversation.And I'm going to give you a lot of the same advice I gave him. But start off by saying this. You're not behind the thing that I hear, though. The overarching thing is it's time to start giving your money a mission.We got to build that marriage foundation. We got to plan with real numbers, because like you said, you're in New York City and we got to build this protection for the family.So let's get right to it. Number one thing, give this money a mission. This isn't just a portfolio to you. And this is where I want to bring in this inheritance.Because one of the things that I sensed in your email is this money's tied to dad and that brings a lot of memories and that brings loss. I had this very same situation with my mother. The money was part of it, but it was what was behind that money.I thought about the hard work that my mom put into it. And I'm betting you feel the same way with your dad.So you've got to take a moment right now and acknowledge that before there's any money moves, have some gratefulness for what your dad did, but also mourn that loss.The thing about these decisions, I always tell people, avoid making big decisions driven by fear or grief or this feeling like you've got this perfectness that you have to do. No one is perfect. So one thing you can do, and I really believe this, write a one page purpose statement.The things that came out in your email are this. These are the things that are important to you. And I would put these into your statement. You want stability in your marriage.You mentioned you want future kids. You mentioned New York City, which means there might be some flexibility here in your housing. Clearly you want to honor your dad.You want to avoid lifestyle creep. You want to have some long term security. And here's the thing.After doing this for 30 years and work with people of all income stripes, money with a mission makes it easier to make decisions. Because the truth is, in all the things that I've seen in my entire career, money is emotional before it's mathematical.All right, let's move on to the second step of this. You've got to build the Marriage Money Foundation. First, you mentioned it. You're already engaged and you're planning a wedding.Now, if you're like most traditional people, the marriage comes before the baby planning. Now, that doesn't always happen, but the thing is, we've got to build a strong foundation. So many People rush into having that baby.And if you've got that shaky foundation now, guess what? The baby is going to expose it very fast. This is the time to sit down with your partner and have an open discussion. Build some timelines together.Ask some tough questions. These are the things that cause strife in a relationship. Talk about how you each grew up around money.Each of you is bringing different things to this relationship. Listen, you've got to talk about the debt that each of you is carrying. You've mentioned what you have. You didn't mention any debts.I don't know if your fiance, what her financial position is, but this is the time to have that discussion. You've also got to talk about spending and saving habits. Listen, these are the things that really destroy relationships. It's not infidelity.It's not those things most of the time, in my experience, it's the money side of this. But as you're having those conversations, talk about a realistic wedding budget. You know, here's another thing you've got to think about.You got to decide if you're going to combine your finances. Some people do that completely. Some do it partially. Some people have another system. Some people keep everything separate.Another thing you're going to have to have a discussion about is that inheritance. You got to have a conversation about that. It doesn't have to be defensive, but it's got to be clear.You've got to take a look at state law about titling assets and mixing your funds. This could be all part of this inherited versus marital status of things.So before the wedding, I would really encourage you to go talk to an estate attorney. Talk about how you want things titled, how you want the beneficiaries to be set up.A lot of people don't want to talk about this, but maybe consider a prenup. It's not about failure planning. A lot of people hear prenup and they say, oh, well, you're just thinking this is going to end.No, that's not what I'm saying. But it can create some clarity at the front end. And another big thing I'm going to encourage you, premarital counseling, that covers money.I think that is a really key thing. You don't need shame to make progress in this. You just need truth and a plan. But now let's get to some more specifics.As I said earlier, you've got to give every dollar a job. Let's go back to your current numbers. You said you had $84,000 in a Roth IRA. That's great.You got 72,000 in a 401, 150 grand in managed brokerage and 470 in self directed brokerage. Hey, that's a really strong position. But the thing I don't hear a lot about is structure.And I'm not talking about where to invest, I'm talking about what the job does for each dollar that you have. So I'm going to recommend this. I want to make it really simple. I think this is the time to pivot into five buckets.The first bucket, if you listen to my show, you're going to be like here goes Ralph again on those emergency funds. Bucket number one is an emergency fund. I want you to put six to 12 months for the essentials there. Put something that there's peace in this money.This is where you know it's guaranteed. It's not something that's risky. The second fund I'm going to recommend is a wedding and first year fund.When you sit down together and you do that budget, carve that money aside, don't worry about what this one's doing and what that one's doing, just what works for the two of you. Third fund, it is going to be the fun one, your future baby fund. But don't just think about when the baby arrives. Think about pregnancy.Think about the birth. Of that there might be some gaps. There could be some gear that you need to buy. There could be medical issues or even first year childcare.Another thing I'm going to encourage you to do is think about your housing flexibility fund. You haven't said that you want to move out of New York City, but you've kind of opened the door there.You've recognized that New York City space is pricey and baby changes the math in that regard. And then the final thing I want you to think about is your long term investments.This is where you sit down with a financial advisor and put together a written plan, an allocation, risk rebalancing and don't forget about the tax side of it. Have that three to five year money plan and keep out of market risk. Again, I said this on the show yesterday. A budget isn't bondage.It's a tool that helps you breathe. But now let's get into some more real details here. You mentioned you live in New York City. Real New York City numbers are not the national average.You got to really look at these. What is health insurance going to cost you? What's that out of pocket pregnancy or that pediatric cost going to be?Are you going to have Actual child care costs? I don't know. You haven't mentioned that. Are you going to take parental leave? Does it impact your job? Do you have a home big enough for a child?You may need to go to different housing. Here's the thing I'm going to recommend, and I said this to my own son, practice a baby budget. What is it going to look like?Like my son's example is his wife's not going to work for a while. So he said to me as we were visiting him last week, he said, dad, we're going to live on my income for a while.That's going to be a bit of an adjustment, but you got to estimate that and add in those monthly costs. This is where you build. In three months of a buffer, you can make it manageable, but if it's tight, you're going to start having pressure.You got enough pressure on your plate with a new baby and a new relationship. Once you do all those things, then really get into your financials, review those beneficiaries and make sure everything is set up.As you get married, you're going to have to update your will or power of attorney. If you're going to have a child, you're going to have guardian designations. A lot of people don't think about that.Meet with your insurance person, talk about life insurance and disability insurance and hey, don't forget to talk to a tax.Probably you're going to have potential issues with getting married, your capital gains on some stocks and things that you sell and then really take a look at managed versus self directed brokerage. Because right now you're living in kind of in two worlds and you were clear that you made it.I think it might be a time to try to put everything together in something that's manageable overall. I want you to build a system that works when willpower won't. So here's your 90 day starting plan.This week I want you to have a money meeting with your fiance. It might be a little uncomfortable, but talk about those values. Talk about how you seek debt.Talk about that wedding budget, housing, kids and giving. Don't forget about giving. This is a Christian show. Want to make sure we build that into it? And write that one page purpose statement for yourself.Set up those five savings buckets, get some real child care numbers and run that three month path. Praxis baby budget. Don't forget that estate attorney and review that investment. And don't forget tax pro and insurance.I know there's a lot here, but give yourself a next Step before the pressure tells you what the next step is. But I want to slow down for a second. I want to speak about the weight that's under this question.I've given you a lot of practical financial and legal advice. But when money comes through loss, it's complicated. This money wasn't just something that you found. This is work that your dad put into it. And you.It's okay to feel grateful and heartbroken, that money. And it's okay to feel responsible, to handle it perfectly. But you don't have to handle it perfectly.If you make one wrong move, it doesn't dishonor the person you lost. Here's the truth of all this. God isn't asking you to carry that kind of pressure. Being a faithful steward doesn't mean you never make a mistake.It means that you seek wisdom. You tell the truth. You invite people to help you invite that counsel.And you move slowly when you need to, and you take the next right step with humility. This inheritance can truly become more than an account balance. It can become part of your legacy.I can just imagine you being able to tell your future children how their grandfather helped them out. Not because money saves a family or wealth anyway. Guarantees peace. It doesn't.But because wise stewardship can build a home where decisions are made with prayer, patience, honesty, and purpose. You're not just planning for a child someday. You're shaping the child, the household that child grows up in, and that sacred work.You don't have to predict every future cost. You just have to prepare faithfully for the next season. So here's your win for today.Create that first version of your financial family financial map. Just one page. What we have, what we owe, what we value, and what we're prepared for. Sit down with your fiance and talk through it calmly.Make sure you pick the right time for this. There's no blame, there's no pressure. And don't try to forecast 20 years from today.Just have an honest conversation, because it's going to save years of confusion later. Let's get to our Bible verse today. It comes to us from Proverbs, chapter 24, verse 3.And it says, by wisdom a house is built, and through understanding it is established through knowledge. Its rooms are filled with rare and beautiful treasures. What a beautiful verse today. And you're right. Now you're not just growing money.You're building a household for the future. And what does Scripture tell us? A house is built with wisdom. It's established with understanding. It's filled through knowledge.See planning ahead for marriage, for kids, for housing, for insurance and taxes. That's not fear, that's wisdom. You're not trying to control everything. You're just trying to build faithfully, one step at a time.How about we pray together right now? Heavenly Father, I just want to lift up this listener and his fiance today.You know the loss of his father, you know the weight of that inheritance and you know his desire to handle it wisely, Lord.So give him calm wisdom as they prepare for their marriage, Lord, and help them to have honest conversations about money without fear, fear or pride and help guide their decisions about saving and investing, those decisions about housing and kids, insurance and even the legal planning decisions, Lord, protect them from impulse and comparison and teach them to build a home marked by peace and stewardship, but mostly a house built by trust in you and Lord, when the future feels too big, just show them that next faithful step. And we ask this in Jesus name. Amen, friend. If you're preparing for marriage or kids or any big change, build a plan before pressure hits.You don't need to answer everything today. I know I've given you a ton of answers today. We went a little long, but you just need one honest step. So give your money a mission.Build that marriage money foundation first. Plan with real numbers and protect the family you're building. And if you've got a question for the show, why don't you send me a voicemail message?Hey, this is super simple and super cool. You can go to financiallyconfidentchristian.com/voicemail we'll put a link in the show notes. You just click on it and record your voice.I can't wait to hear from you again. That's financiallyconfidentchristian.com/voicemail thank you so much for joining me today, man. We got into some practicalities today.Stay financially savvy. May God bless you and you have a great day today.