How Can I Help Others Without Hurting Myself?

Today I want to talk about a common problem among so many parents.

I got this listener question.

This really just hit home for me, said Ralph.

I really want to help people during the holidays, but sometimes I end up giving more than I can afford.

And here's the big question for today.

How can I be generous without putting myself in a bad spot?

I thought when I got this message, man, I've been there.

And maybe you're a parent, maybe just somebody likes to be generous.

Abby's nodding her head right now.

Abby's my producer.

I mentioned her on the show.

But we all feel this at times, especially moms.

I think moms really embrace this one.

They just want this holidays to be special.

I can remember my own mother, she really wanted to be special for us kids.

And I remember my mom would stretch that budget.

I tell you what, it was like a rubber band was about ready to break.

She would take on extra work, she would overspend because she had this view.

She needed to make it magical.

But in the end, it just created pressure and it created a financial strain.

And listen, when I'm being honest with myself, and maybe you're thinking the same thing too, it leads to stress, it leads to guilt.

Hey, it leads to tension at home.

And listen, generosity is beautiful.

It's a wonderful thing.

God has given us the desire to be generous.

But if it becomes a burden and when it's driven by guilt instead of grace, we got a problem.

That's exactly what I'm going to talk about on today's show.

This is Financially Confident Christian, your daily dose of gospel, grounded insight and faith driven tips to help you break the cycle of financial shame with confidence.

Welcome to the show.

I'm Ralph.

My daily goal is to help you break that cycle of financial shame and do it with confidence.

And we're continuing our series of enjoying the holidays, finding joy without going broke.

And I think about as I was preparing for today's show, I've seen so many friends and family members struggle with this tension.

It's that constant tension between compassion and.

And financial responsibility.

Hey, it's like we got to be adults now, right?

And I've had to learn that lesson myself.

And here's the thing I want you to just paint right now.

You can't help others by hurting your own household.

I want to say that again because it's so critical that we understand it.

You will never help others by hurting yourself.

I'm going to tell you a story about my father.

Now.

He since passed away.

I mentioned his soup the other Day if you missed that show.

We talked about seafood soup.

But my father in law, man, he thought he was Santa Claus, Papa, Noel, whatever you call it in your culture.

And here's what he would do Every year he would bank all of his holiday, his sick time.

All year long he worked at a law firm.

And what they did is that in December they would give you whatever you hadn't used for sick time or vacation time or whatever those things are.

And he would bank that up so he would get this huge bonus about the beginning of December.

Well, that's what he wanted to do.

I get it.

I embraced it.

He was a generous guy and he would just give away like Santa Claus.

I mean, he had barrels of stuff.

I'm talking about everybody got a gift.

But the problem is, when I look back at it now with clarity, he ended up hosting himself so much.

He didn't have any savings.

He wasn't really doing a good job with his retirement preparation.

And unfortunately his house was just falling apart.

He had all this money going into gifts and people loved him.

He was Santa Claus.

But he wasn't taking care of himself.

Which leads me to this quote from Dave Ramsey.

And Dave Ramsey said this.

He said, you can't pour from an empty cup.

Get your own house in order so you can give freely.

And I think that is some very wise and sage advice.

So let's answer today's question.

How can I be generous without putting myself in a bad spot?

I really want to park here for a couple minutes because there are ways to do this in a wise way.

First thing I'm going to encourage you to do is give from wisdom.

You have to understand it.

See, true generosity blesses both you and the person you're giving it to.

If it's just costing you money, guess what?

I don't know that that's true generosity.

And when it hurts your stability, like my father in law, it was hurting his stability.

When it hurts your stability, that's when it stops being wise because then you're putting yourself in jeopardy.

So start there.

Second thing I'm going to encourage you to do is pray about it.

We talk a lot on this show about prayer because I think prayer is super powerful.

But ask God, reach out to them and say, hey God, listen, how can I have the most lasting impact?

Because it's not always money.

A lot of people get stuck on that.

Well, I got to spend this much on this person.

I got to spend this.

And we've talked about that on the show.

We've talked about doing that list, we talked about putting the number next to them.

But I'm going to tell you something right now.

You can give your time, you can give your skills.

Hey, creativity, all those things are just as valuable as money.

Which leads me to this.

Your time and your presence.

That's presence with a CE count.

Also, it can be something as simple as a visit.

Go see your parents, go see your grandparents.

Go see that aunt or uncle that you haven't seen for a while.

Maybe you don't have the money to do that.

Pick up the phone and call them.

Calling is cheap now.

We don't pay for long distance anymore.

Just pick up the phone.

Maybe for you it's volunteering.

Some of the most impactful stories I've ever heard about people is when they gave back to others, when they volunteered with somebody.

Those things all mean so much more than money.

You want to find joy in the holiday season?

Do some of those things.

And here's a little pro tip.

And I'm going to warn you on this one.

Avoid funding charity with debt.

I've had some people say to me, ralph, you know, I really want to give to this charity, but I don't have the cash right now.

Should I go get a credit card advance or should I do something like this?

Here's the deal.

Borrowing to give is what creates what I call double bondage.

It's just the truth.

You're bonding yourself spiritually and financially.

So here, big takeaway for today.

Don't ever borrow to give.

That's a bad plan.

Give your time, give your talents, give your creativity.

But you don't have the money to do it.

Don't do it.

And finally, big takeaway for today.

Got a lot of big takeaways today.

Plan your giving if you're going to give.

And listen.

And I'm going to get to our Bible verse here in a second.

But limit that plan early.

Budget that generosity.

We talked about creating that list of people that you want to give to.

Well, you can do the same thing for your donations.

A lot of people feel that pull at Christmas time.

You know, you see the commercials on tv.

My family feels the same way.

Create that list.

Put a number next to each of them.

Which leads me to our Bible verse today.

And this one comes to us from Second Corinthians, chapter 9, verse 7.

It says, each of you should give what you have decided in your heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion.

For God loves a cheerful giver.

And I just love this verse.

That means you're intentionally thinking about it's.

Not something.

Just gut instinct, right?

We're not talking about that.

But it also tells us, not reluctantly or under compulsion, because why God loves a cheerful giver.

And in my view, cheerfulness is being intentional, not guilt.

Why about we pray together right now, Lord.

We come to you right now.

And we want to be those cheerful givers that you want us to be, Lord.

So give me wisdom, Lord, to not act impulsively during this season.

And, Lord, show me where my generosity can do the most good.

Show me your way, Lord, and your will for my life.

Teach me that my time and my love and my talents and my creativity are just as valuable as money, Lord.

And they're so much more impactful, Lord.

And just we ask all of these things in the name of Jesus.

Amen.

All right, well, here's your action item for today.

I want you to make a decision today before you do anything else today.

Make a decision.

Put together a giving budget or list.

Put it on paper, pen to paper.

I think that is so impactful when you write it down.

And once you write it down, take a step back and pray over it before the emotions of the season take over, really pray about it and ask the Lord to show you what he would want you to do.

Keep those emotions in check.

Because, listen, these marketing people, they're very good at this.

All kinds of great commercials that tear at your heartstrings, don't they?

But keep your emotions in check and be intentional and celebrate that joy.

Now you might be having the thought of.

I got a question, Ralph.

How do I give you a question to the show?

You do a lot of questions on this show.

Well, I made it really super simple.

If you've got a question for this show, all you've got to do is go to justaskralph.com when you get to that website, just put your question in there.

And guess what?

I'll feature your question on the show because a lot of people can be impacted by your questions.

So don't feel like you can't participate.

I love participation.

Go to just ask Ralph.com and send me your question today.

And as I close today, remember this generosity is good.

Listen, I'll say generosity is a beautiful thing.

It's something that God wants us to be.

I really believe that people were born to be generous.

But it's not good if it leaves you broke.

So give with grace, don't give with guilt.

Protect your home first.

Like Dave Ramsey said, you got to be protecting yourself first and then help others.

I want to thank you for listening to me today.

Go out there and be the financially confident Christian that I know you can be.

You've got the skills to do it.

Have confidence in yourself because I sure have confidence in you.

But bigger than that, the Lord has confidence in you.

Stay financially savvy today.

God bless you, and you have a great day today.