How Can You Tackle Debt Together Without Blame?

The truth is, debt is heavy, isn't it? It weighs on your finances and it weighs on your emotions. And in a relationship, it can feel crushing.Those late night worries, that quiet resentment, that unspoken blame. And before you know it, the pressure of debt starts turning partners into opponents.So, friend, if debt has ever created tension between you and someone you love, this episode is for you. You're not failing. You're under pressure and you're going to be okay. So here's the question we're answering today.How can you tackle debt together without blame? And by the end of this episode, here's what I promise you. We're going to talk about today. Why debt is the enemy, not your spouse.How to create a united plan instead of separate stress. And how encouragement can replace accusation so progress feels possible. Again. Today isn't about finger pointing and it's definitely not about shame.It's about teamwork and hope. Hey, friend. Ralph Estep Jr. Here. Welcome to Financially Confident Christian.We learn how to walk through life and money with wisdom, with peace, and with a heart anchored in God's truth. My mission is simple.To help you break the cycle of financial shame and build steady habits rooted in faith and truly become financially confident Christians. And I am really glad you're here today. Yesterday we talked about how to have healthy financial conversations.We talked about choosing the right time, using the right words, and really building trust instead. Attention. It was a great show yesterday and today we're going to build directly on that because few topics test communications like debt.Debt has a way of turning a simple conversation into a painful one. So let's make it softer today. Here's the question I hear way too often. Sometimes spoken out loud, sometimes kept quiet.Ralph, how do we deal with debt without resenting each other? Or maybe this one. How do we stop bringing up the past? And friend, that question matters because debt doesn't just affect numbers, it affects hearts.If debt has brought frustration in your life, if past decisions keep being brought up, if you feel blamed, you've caught yourself blaming somebody else. You're not a bad spouse, you're not a bad partner. You're a person trying to breathe under a super heavy load.And debt has a sneaky way of making you feel like somebody else has to be at fault, doesn't it? So, friend, I want to start by. I want you to hear this. Pressure reveals stress points, not character flaws.Here's something we need to state clearly right from the beginning. Debt is the enemy. It's debt that's the enemy, not your spouse. Not your partner, not the person sitting across from you right now.When couples fight each other over debt, the debt actually wins. Because while you're arguing, guess what happens? Nothing changes.Your balance doesn't go down, the interest doesn't stop, and you're not building any plans. But when you team up, even small progress starts to feel like hope again. And I've walked with many couples through debt.People with different incomes, different mistakes, and different stories. And what I found that couples who make progress aren't the ones who never messed up.They're the ones who learn to fight the problem but fight it together. Not perfectly, but consistently. I once spoke with a couple who said, we keep arguing about who caused the dick route.Every conversation turned into a history lesson. Let me tell you, they had a history. Who spent what, who should have known better, and who didn't speak up the whole time.And then I asked a simple question. I said to them, what if neither of you is the enemy? They looked at me like I was crazy.I said, what if debt is the enemy and you're actually on the same side? See that framing, that reframing changed everything. They stopped rehashing the past and started to plan in the future.And once that plan existed, peace started to return. Now, listen, it wasn't overnight. It didn't happen right away. It took time, but it was noticeable. So here's today's central question.Are you fighting each other or fighting debt together? That's really what we have to narrow down today. Because, friend, your answer to that question changes everything.Because teamwork doesn't just pay off debt. It protects the relationship while you're paying it off. Because, listen, if the relationship dies, what's the point?So let's walk through this gently. I'm going to give you a simple path. It's called name, plan, encourage, and protect. Name is the beginning. Name the enemy correctly. Say it out loud.Debt is the problem. Debt is the problem, not, you're the problem. So many times when I'm working with couples, the first thing I hear is, well, you're the problem.He did this, she did that. Even that one sentence can soften the room when you say debt is the problem because it stops the attack and it starts the alliance.Try this phrase, I want us on the same team. I want us working together. And then once you do that, plan together, don't plan separately. This is big.Debt gets heavier when one person carries the plan alone. How many times have you tried to be what I want to figure this out? I'm gonna do it myself. It doesn't work well. It builds resentment.So build a simple shared plan. It can be small, it can be messy at first, but it needs agreement on the. Here's we're gonna do. It starts by picking a payment method.We talked about this a couple weeks ago.Whether you do the snowball method where you pay the smallest bounce first, or the avalanche method with the highest interest rates, I don't really care which one you use. But be in agreement, because here's the truth. The plan matters less than agreeing on it together. That's why it's got to be together.Because agreement builds that buy in. And that buy in is going to need to be there for consistency. And here's the one thing I'm gonna tell you right now. Make the plan visible.A sticky note, a whiteboard, a shared note on your phone. Because debt loves secrecy. But plans thrive in the light. Here's another thing I'm going to do.I'm going to encourage you to be more encouraging more than you accuse somebody. Because debt makes couples speak sharply to each other. Because fear has a tone. It just does. But encouragement creates endurance.So celebrate those small wins you paid off a store card. Celebrate that. That's an accomplishment. Made one extra payment. Celebrate that. Now, I'm not saying to go build more debt to it.Stuck to the plan for two weeks. Celebrate that, friend. Progress grows faster when it's noticed. You've got to notice these things.And try this gentle habit for every one hard conversation. Make sure there are five team moments, things where you can thank each other, maybe give each other a hug. We're doing this. I'm proud of us.And finally, protect the relationship while you pay it off. This might be the most important point altogether today. Because debt freedom isn't worth it if you lose closeness along the way.I've seen people get the debt paid off, man, but they went in separate directions, and it just destroyed the relationship. So protect your tone, protect your unity, and protect your peace. Make one agreement. We do not use debt as a weapon. Put that in writing.Make it something you both agree to. We do not use debt as a weapon. No sarcasm, no.No threats, no shaming, no replaying of old mistakes, no listing those things that you did this and you did that is not going to help you anymore. You can be honest without being harsh. You can be serious without being cruel.And if you're thinking, wait a minute, Ralph, but wait a minute, my spouse really did cause it, friend, I hear you, and that's real pain. But here's What I know blame is never going to pay that balance off. It's not going to solve the problem. But teamwork will.And healing is possible, even if it's slow. Let's get right into the word today. Let's go to Ecclesiastes 4, 9. Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor.And friend, that verse is so practical for today. Together multiplies effort, together multiplies endurance. And together it truly does multiply hope.See, debt wants isolation, but God's wisdom invites partnership. So here's your simple step for today. It's small, but it is super powerful. I want you to write this sentence somewhere visible.We are a team against debt. We are a team against debt. Put it on a mirror, put it in a notebook, put it in your phone. And do one more thing.I want you to schedule a 20 minute debt huddle this week. This isn't a time to argue. This isn't a time to talk about blame or any of those things. And just answer three questions. What do we owe right now?What's our next smallest win? And what's one sacrifice we can share this week to make this happen? That's it. I just want you to build that teamwork together.Just 20 minutes to start on that debt payment plan. Let's pray together. Lord, thank you for unity in relationships. Debt feels heavy and you see every ounce of it.Lord, help couples fight the problem, not each other anymore. Give them encouragement instead of accusation. Give them patience for the process and give them wisdom for the plan.And Lord, restore peace in their home. One small step at a time. And we ask this in Jesus name. Amen. Friend. If you're tired of money shame, I want you to hear this clearly.There is a better way. I wrote a book. It's called how to Become a Financially Confident Christian. It's a book about peace. It's a book about direction.And it's really a book about learning to trust God again. It's not about lectures. It's not about condemnation. It's just a next step.And you can get your copy at financiallyconfidentchristian.com/becoming that's financiallyconfidentchristian.com/becoming. Make sure you get your copy today, friend. Debt doesn't define your marriage. Your willingness to fight together does define it.And even if you've had rough times, you can start again right now, right today. Just one plan, one conversation, and just one small win. You're going to be okay. And tomorrow we're going to continue this with another big question.This was a question I get all the time. Should couples combine finances? What are the pros, what are the cons? And what's the biblical view? Yes, there's actually a biblical view to this.So if you ever ask that question, make sure you join me on tomorrow's show. And if this episode helped you today, I want you to share with someone else. Carrying debt in a marriage.There are so many people that are fighting about debt. Share this show with them, because this show isn't about financial shame.It's about learning to walk in wisdom, staying steady and anchored, and becoming a financially confident Christian. God bless you, friend, and make sure you join me again for tomorrow's show.