How Do I Stop Emotional Spending?

Hey, have you ever spent money not because you needed something, but because you just needed some relief. Just a moment to breathe, that moment to feel okay again. But then later, the stress come back, and now the money is gone, too.So if you've ever caught yourself in that cycle, today I'm going to help you create a pause and choose something better. I've got a solution for you on today's show. Hello, friend, Ralph Estep Jr. Here.Welcome to Financially Confident Christian, your daily show, where we work to break that cycle of financial shame and help you live in confidence. And today we're going to talk about the May squeeze.We got a great voicemail message from one of our listeners, but it's all about how to handle that may squeeze without turning to emotional spending. So without further ado, let's get to today's played message. Here it is.

Hey, Ralph, um, I wanted to ask you about something that's been kind of heavy for me lately.With everything that comes with May, like the mid year check ins, rising expenses, planning for summer, I can feel my stress building more than I'd like to admit. And when it gets to that point, I. I end up spending money just to feel a little relief. And in the moment, it works like I can finally breathe again.But then not long after, I just feel this weight come back. Like I'm stuck.And honestly, a little ashamed because I know I didn't actually fix anything and I don't want to keep coping like this, especially when money already feels tight. I think I'm just.I'm struggling with that moment right before I spend, like, how do I slow that down or even catch it so I can choose something healthier instead? I'd really appreciate your help with that.

Well, Fran, thank you so much for your honesty. And I love the fact that you sent in that question. Hey, and listen, if you want to send in a question, it is super easy.Just go to financiallyconfidentchristian.com voicemail. We'll put a link to that in the show notes.But I want to thank you for your honesty because what you're describing, and you've done a great job of describing it, so many people feel that, but very few people say it out loud. And I want you to hear this right from the jump. You're not weak because you're feeling overwhelmed. You're just human.And here's my big belief from the beginning here. Emotional spending isn't a money problem. And you're probably thinking, wait a minute, Ralph, clearly it's a money problem.That's not the problem in my personal view. It's a response to pressure that needs a better outlet. That's what we're really talking about here.You're feeling pressure and you need a better outlet. So how do we fix this? Well, you know, one of the things I always talk about on this show is recognizing your triggers, not just the spending.And that's where we got to start. Before money even moves, something else happens first in all of our lives. Maybe it's stress. When you feel stressed, you go buy something.Maybe it's the feeling of being overwhelmed.I know a lot of times when I'm feeling overwhelmed, I go to that Amazon website and I'm thinking, what can I do to make myself feel a little bit better? Maybe for you it's pressure. Feel that pressure all around you. I'm coming off a tax season pressure for me. Or maybe it's just fatigue.So instead of asking why did I spend that? It's so easy to go into that question, well, why did I spend that? I got a better question for you to ask.What was I feeling right before that moment of spending? What was I feeling? What were my emotions? What was I going through? Was I tired? Was I overwhelmed?Was I feeling pressured that I just have a battle with my partner? Because when you identify the trigger, you gain awareness. And when you have awareness, that's the first step to changing the behavior.Well, let's talk about how to change that behavior. First thing you've got to do is build in your pause habit. Now these aren't paws on the dog or cat.These are a paws P A U S E. This isn't a time for perfect discipline. You just need a pause. So when you feel that urge, maybe for you to create a simple rule. This is my rule. I don't spend immediately. Never.I don't spend immediate. Now listen, if I'm out for a walk and I need a glass of water or I need to buy a bottle of water, that's different life sustaining stuff.Don't put in pauses for this. But for everything else, give yourself 10 minutes, maybe even five minutes, just step away from it for a second.Here's one of the great things that I do. If I'm at my desk and I'm shopping, I get up and go for a walk.Even if I just walk down the hall, breathe a little bit, walk around and pray about it. Because here's the thing I've learned. I'm 53 years old, been around this sun a few times, emotional spending thrives on urgency.That's why we have commercials all around us. Urgency. Go do that right now. But wisdom grows when you build in that pause. So build in that pause. But here's the thing I want you to understand.You can't just remove it. You got to replace the habit. You're feeling that overwhelm. You're feeling that tiredness. You're feeling that fatigue. You're feeling that pressure.And if spending is giving you relief, that's a real thing. It is. It is truly relief. But it's not good relief, is it? So you've got to figure out another way to get that relief.And you're not going to figure it out later. You got to know right then what you're going to do. This is where you believe. You build a relief plan.And maybe for you, it looks like stepping outside for fresh air. I don't know about you, but there's a lot of value from just going outside and breathing in some fresh air. I'm a motorcycle guy.This past weekend, I needed some fresh air. I've been struggling. A lot of clients coming and going. A lot of work. I got on my motorcycle and just sat back and, you know, got some fresh air.Maybe for you. You call someone you trust, say, hey, I'm really struggling right now. I'm feeling pressure. I got this urge. I want to go buy something.You want to take a trip to the mall? No, talk about something else. But write down what you're feeling. Journal. It's a great time to journal.Right before I made that impulsive purchase, here's what I was feeling. Maybe take a short walk. I think in a lot of ways, a walk is God's antidote for fear and for overwhelm and for pressure. Just that short walk.Or maybe just look up and pray about it, like God. You know what? I'm really struggling right now. I'm feeling this pressure. I'm feeling this weight. You're not just removing a habit at that point.You're replacing it with something that actually restores you. Here's the truth. Spending is never going to restore you. But when you replace that habit with something that does restore you, you'll get somewhere.Now, here's a real practical thing you can do. Remove the easy access. During those emotional moments, you got to try to build some barriers to impulsivity.Now, that's a big word, but here's some real things you can do. I love these ideas. Got these from a couple listeners. Take those saved cards off your phone.Don't even store your Credit card information on your phone. Now you're saying, ralph, that's really inconvenient. Yes, that's the whole point. Don't store them there. Log out of the shopping apps.Build some friction into this. Make it complicated. Maybe you don't even put the shopping apps on your phone. Delete that Amazon, that Target, that Walmart app.Get them off your phone. Make it more difficult. Avoid browsing when you're stressed. It's not the time. At the end of the day, I'm really stressed right now. What do we all do?I was watching the show this morning. They said the average person touches their phone like every five to seven minutes.And if you think about when's the last time you grabbed your phone, Were you stressed? Were you bored? Were you tired? Just think about that. And maybe you do that delayed checkout intentionally.You say, look, I'm going to put 24, 48, 72, whatever that is. This isn't about restricting yourself. It's actually about protecting yourself in your most vulnerable moments. But here's the thing.In the end, you got to recognize this. Anchor your peace in God. Now, if this was just a secular program, I would have stopped there. But we've got something so much better than that.We've got peace in God, not from spending relief. So I want to bring this back to your heart because what I really believe you're really looking for in that moment is peace.Most of us, when we're feeling overwhelmed and tired and worn out in the pressure, we're just looking for peace. But friends, spending only gives you temporary relief. And a lot of us, it leads to long term consequences.But the only place for lasting peace is in God. He's there for us always. So when that pressure rises, instead of reaching for your wallet, just reach for him.Even a simple prayer like, lord, I feel overwhelmed right now. Help me in this very moment and trust that he's going to meet you there. Friend, you don't need to spend to feel better.Peace is already available to you and it doesn't cost a dime. So here's your win for today. I want you to create your own personal pause rule.I just want you to go grab a piece of paper and a pen or a pencil and write down one sentence, you ready for it? And we'll put this in the show notes. When I feel the urge to spend, I will wait blank minutes and I want you to fill in that blank.And I think it's different for everybody. Some of us are very strict, we're very regimented. Others of us, like me, we're emotional creatures. Maybe our.Our time's got to be a little bit longer. Just fill in that sentence today. I will wait X minutes because that pause, hear me on this, that pause is going to change everything.Well, let's get into our scripture for today. We're going to go to the book of Psalms, which a lot of people think and I agree is kind of like the Bible's book of poetry.But we're going to Psalms verse or excuse me, we're going to Psalms chapter 55, verse 22. Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you. He will never let the righteous be shaken.I don't know about you, man, but that is really what I needed to hear today. And here's why it fits. Because God invites you to bring your stress to him instead of coping through spending. And what does he promise you?I love this part. He promises to sustain you in that moment. He's the only spending that you really need. And he doesn't cost anything.He's there for you when you need him. Well, he's there for us when we need him. Let's pray to him right now. Heavenly Father, right now.I lift up my friend who left this message, who feels overwhelmed and caught in this cycle of stress and spending. And Lord, you see their heart, you see their desire to do better and you see how hard these moments feel for so many of us.So right now, Lord, I ask that you would give them awareness to recognize their triggers. We all have those triggers, Lord. Help us to see those. Give us all strength to pause, Lord, and give us wisdom to choose a better path.And we ask right now that you would replace their need for that temporary relief with your lasting peace. Be with them in this moment of decision. Calm their minds and steady all of our hearts.And most of all, Lord, remind us all that we are not alone in this. You're with us all the time. And we ask this in Jesus name. Amen. Friend, let me tell you something.That small pause today can break a cycle tomorrow for the rest of your life. So build in that pause today. And if you've got a question for the show, this show thrives on questions. I would love to hear your question.You can go to financially confidentchristian.com/question We'll put that in the show notes. But it's super simple to do. Just type in what you want. You can also leave us a voicemail. We've talked about that.But go to financiallyconfidentchristian.com/question. I want to thank you for joining me today. Heavy topic today, but stay financially savvy. May God bless you and you have a truly great day today.