How Do I Stop Hating Myself for My Money Mistakes?

There is a specific kind of heaviness that wakes you up at 3am it's not just worry about bills. It's a deep, gut wrenching feeling that you're a failure. And you look in the mirror and you think to yourself, how could I have been so stupid?So today, if you're trapped in a cycle of self hatred because of past financial decisions, listening to today's episode might be the most important thing you do. It's time to stop punishing yourself for a debt that Jesus has already paid. Hey friend. Ralph Estep Jr. Here.Welcome to Financially Confident Christian, where every day we work to break that cycle of financial shame and do it with confidence. And today's topic is Overcoming the Crushing Weight of regret at 53 years old, man, I got pages and pages of regrets.Let's get right to our listener question. They wrote this, Ralph I'm drowning in shame over my money mistakes. I pray about it. I know God forgives me, but I can't forgive myself.Every time I look at my bank account, I want to cry. How do I stop hating myself for what I did and actually start over? I'm stuck and I don't know how to break free. What a great question.First thing I'm going to tell you right now, you're not alone in feeling that way. Guess what? We've all made mistakes. Even me. I've made mistakes. I have a master's degree in business. I've made financial mistakes.So here's the big takeaway for today. Right from the beginning. You don't heal money shame by punishing yourself. That's not going to get you anywhere.Self punishment is not going to fix this. What does fix it, what heals it is when you receive grace and taking one next step. So let me tell you about my mistakes.Like I said, I'm a financial expert. People come to me with massive financial concerns and issues. And you know what? I'm still battling past mistakes. I'll share one with you right now.That's not an easy one to talk about. I'm 53 years old. Looking back at it now, my wife gives me a hard time about to this day.When I was younger, when I first started working, I should have done a lot more about putting away for retirement. But I didn't do that. In fact, I didn't do that till about five years ago.And I looked around, people were coming into me and they were showing me the beautiful amount they have in their retirement account and how their house was almost paid off and they had all this investment portfolio. And I got to be honest with you, it made me feel shame. It made me feel, wait a second, I'm helping these people get to where they need to get to.But man, I'm not taking my own advice. And as the shame built, you know what I did, I didn't respond well. Instead of saying, you know what, I can learn from this, here's what I can do.I just wallowed in my own self pity and shame. And where did it get me? It finally was a wake up call. I never forget.One day my wife says, ralph, she said, I love you, but man, we've got to start thinking about retirement. And I'm thinking, yeah, I'm never going to get old. I'm never going to retire. But I had to stop living in that shame and just face it.I had to stand up and say, you know what? I've got to start sacrificing today to have a better tomorrow. Now I could have easily said, you know what? I'm just going to neglect it.I'm just going to ignore it. I'm going to stay in that shame. But I made a decision and you've got to start there.You've got to learn the difference today between conviction and condemnation. We talked about this the other day with my mom's holy underwear. But it's so appropriate for what we're talking about today.Because conviction is a good thing. Christian conviction is a beautiful thing. It's a gift of the Holy Spirit. But condemnation isn't going to help you. Here's what conviction says.Conviction says the choice was wrong. When I think back to my choices to not set aside for retirement, conviction tells me, ralph, that was a wrong choice.You could have sacrificed a little bit. But what did it say to me? Say, come back here, change the direction. See, that's positive things. That's positive conviction.But condemnation would say something else. And this may hurt a little bit. But condemnation says you are wrong and you're worthless. If I'm being 100% candid with you, I felt condemnation.I felt that. And listen, I don't think my wife intended it, but she condemned me. Ralph, you should have done this. Remember, we talked about this the other day?You should have. Now, I can go back and look at it now and see that it was a safety thing. She's worried about her future. She's worried about our safety.But that condemnation didn't work. It made me feel worthless. But that's not how God operates. He, God corrects us to restore.God wants to Convict us to restore, to help us get to where we need to go. But the enemy, he accuses us to destroy us. See, there's the difference. So understand the difference.And the next thing, you've got to separate your net worth from your self worth. We live in a society right now where people's bank balance measure their assets is what they think their value is.But I'm going to let you in a little secret. That's not how God sees your value. God doesn't care what's in your bank account.I'm not saying don't give stewardship what you're supposed to do with your money. But think about this. God was so worried about you, you were worth dying for. He died for you before you ever fixed anything.You were lost in your sins. You were lost and God died for you before he fixed you. Stop living in shame. This is a money problem, not a personal problem.You got to accept the truth. And I had to accept this truth. That self hatred didn't put $1 back into anything I was trying to do. It didn't help put money for retirement.It didn't solve that relationship, my wife, it did nothing. Except for made me wallow in my own self hatred. And see, for a lot of us, I'm gonna step on some toes now. Step on my own toes as well.Shame feels like penance. Well, I'm gonna live in shame because I'm gonna take penance for what I did. Some religions, they believe in penance.I'm not a believer in penance, but living in penance produces zero progress. You know what it does? It drains the strength you need to actually do something about the situation.All those months and those, dare I say, years of hating myself fixed nothing. It just took away my strength to actually do something. So you've got to accept this hard truth. If God forgave you, I got great news for you.God is ready to forgive you. God has forgiven you. If you refuse to forgive yourself, that's just pride. And I know that sounds harsh, but sometimes you need a little harshness.You need a little love. I love you. If you're listening right now, I love you. I know it sounds harsh, but that is freeing.If God forgave you, refusing to forgive yourself is just pride. Are you saying that your standard is higher than God's standard? Because that's what you're saying.See, if you go into a corner and the judge says clean, you don't stand up and say judge, I overrule you. I am not clean. Jesus Christ. Cleaned you. Cleans you. White as snow. You don't overrule him.So if you want to move forward, close the chapter with what I call a financial funeral. A lot of us have been to a funeral. We get what that looks like. Close the casket, put it in the ground. Parry it away. But don't stop there.Take one more step. Here's one thing I'm going to encourage you to do. Write down the mistakes you keep replaying. I did this. Write them down. Write them all down.Then pray about it. Shred it. Throw it away. Mark the end of that season. Be done with it. Bury that. Send it to the funeral. Bury it in the ground.Then do one small positive action today. Maybe a budget. One week, maybe. You sell one item, you make one payment. Because your story isn't over. It's far from over.Grace means you get to begin again. So here's your win for today. Just a single step to help you get to where you need to be. I want you to do something.And it might sound a little bit funny, but I want you to get out a sticky note. If you don't have a sticky note, find a piece of paper, write it on your phone. I want you to write three words on that.I want you to write, paid in full. That simple. Just three simple words. Paid in full. Put it on your bathroom mirror.And every single morning, let the cross speak louder than your ledger. Because guess what? You already been paid in full. Well, let's get to the Bible. You know I love the book of Romans.And today's Bible verse comes right From Romans chapter 8, verse 1. Romans 8:1. Therefore there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. Drop the Michael now. Yes, your mistakes have consequences.My mistake of not saving for retirement has consequences. Now I've got to work harder at that. But in Christ, you are never condemned. How about we pray together?Lord God, right now I come to you on behalf of the person who is hurting. I pray for the one who can't look in the mirror without feeling regret. And Lord, we know shame is not from you.You are truly the God of second chances and third chances and fourth chances and new beginnings. So right now we just pray that you would break the chains of self hatred in all of our hearts.Silence that voice of the accuser that keeps calling them a failure. Wash over them with the truth of Romans 8:1, that there is no condemnation in Christ.Help them receive your forgiveness fully, Lord, and release the forgiveness they owe themselves. Give them strength to look up, Lord, and. And stand up and walk towards freedom. We ask this in Jesus name. Amen.Listen friend, you are not your worst decisions. God's mercy is new today. And if you make a mistake today and stumble, guess what? God's mercy is going to be there again tomorrow. So stay the course.And I would also like to invite you to send in your questions to the show. You can do that by going to financiallyconfidentchristian.com/question we'll put that in the show notes. So thank you so much for joining me today.It was a tough one today, wasn't it? But you can do this. Stay financially savvy. May God bless you and you have a great day today.