How Do I Stop Performing Financial Success?

You can be doing fine on the outside and falling apart on the inside. Yeah. You can look stable and still feel one bill away from panic.And, friend, if you're exhausted pretending you're okay, today's a safe place to tell the truth. Hey, friend. Ralph Estep Jr. Here.And this is financially confident Christian, where every day we work to break that cycle of financial shame and do it with confidence. And today's topic is this. When your outside looks strong, but your inside feels scared. Let's get right into today's question.I'm tired, Ralph, not just physically, but emotionally, because I feel like I'm living two lives. One life that people see where I'm fine, I'm smiling, keeping up.And another life that only I see where I'm stressed, where I'm doing mental math at night, and where I'm praying nobody asked me for anything extra. I don't want my kids to worry. I don't want my spouse to feel unsafe, and I don't want my family to judge me.So I just keep performing, keep saying we're good, and I keep acting like everything is under control. But I'm not. Okay. I'm scared, I'm ashamed, and I don't know how to stop pretending without disappointing everybody. What do I do?Ralph, friend, I hear you, and I need you to hear this first. You're not a bad person. You're not a bad person because you're struggling, and you're not weak because this does feel heavy. I get it.And you're not alone in this jury. And if you really want to break free of this, freedom begins the moment you stop performing and you start practicing honest, peaceful stewardship.Now, those are big words. Stewardship. Where is Ralph going with this? Let's talk about this together. Let's work this out together.First thing you've got to do is name the pressure out loud. See, performance has power when it stays secret, when it stays hidden. So your first step isn't budgeting.You've probably got a perfectly great budget. Your first step is actually honesty. Say it out loud, even if you're. Even if you got to be alone when you have to.But just say, listen, I'm pretending here. I'm exhausted. I'm so tired of what people will think about this.Because when you name the pressure, you separate it from your identity, and that's where we've got to start, because it's something you're carrying. It's not who you are. But the second thing you've got to do is you've got to identify what you're trying to protect.See, in my belief, most people don't perform to be flashy. Now, they. There are some people that do that. You know those people I'm talking about? Everything with them is a performance.But most people, we perform that feel safe. So ask yourself this. Ask yourself, what am I trying to protect? That's a hard question, but it really gets to the core of this.What am I trying to protect? Is it my reputation? Oh, I don't want anybody to know that I struggle. I think about that with my own family.I don't want my kids to know that there have been times when mom and I have struggled. Maybe it's your family's opinion. You mentioned that in your question. I wouldn't want my family to know that we're struggling. Guess what?Here's a truth bomb. Your family struggled, too. They may not have told you, but they've struggled, too. Or maybe you have this fear of being seen as irresponsible.How could that person have run up those credit cards? How could that person have missed those payments or had those overdrafts? Or maybe you have a fear of being looked down on. And friend.This is important. Some of your spending isn't about stuff. Dare I say, most of your fear is not about stuff at all. It's about fear management.And once you see that, once you bring that to light, bring it out in the open, you can actually start healing the real wound. You can't fix something that's broken until you go find it and fix it. So here's where the rubber meets the road, though.Here's where you make it work. Cut one image expense this week. Not 10 things, just one thing. Just think about right now, one expense that exists mainly to keep the image alive.You know what that image is? Maybe it's that extra restaurant trip you don't want your friends to know. You really can't afford to eat out so much now.Like, what do they think if I don't want to go out with them? Or maybe for you, it's an upgrade that you just don't need. Sure, you'd like to have that new flashy iPhone, but you really don't need it.And honestly, you can't afford it. Or maybe it's that just in case. Shopping. How many times have we found ourselves doing that shopping wall just in case I need it.Or it's that membership you're keeping because it looks responsible. I've got a gym membership. I don't ever use it, but sure makes me look responsible, doesn't it?Or maybe for you, it's that habit of over giving just so nobody questions you. Maybe you're that person, you're that parent that every time your kids ask, you just dole it out.But on the inside, you're just dying because you can't afford it. It's making your life miserable. Just pick one of those and replace it with something simple. I'm talking about a home meal. Eat at home.It's really healthy and it tastes better. Maybe a free option instead of going out with your friends or something that costs money. Go to a free concert, go take a walk in the park.Or maybe just pausing your life for a little bit because that one cut is so much more than money. It's actually you choosing freedom. But here's the thing I mentioned earlier. You're not alone in this.This is where I'm going to encourage you to tell the truth to one safe person. This is not the time to go on Facebook and tell everybody about all your problems. That drives me crazy. Stop doing that.But it's okay to share with one person that you trust. Because what I have found in my own life is that shame grows in isolation. It just festers there. So, yes, pick someone safe.Whether that be a spouse, trusted friend, maybe a mentor you've worked for, worked with, a pastor. Hey, you could even reach out to me on the show. Send me an email. I'd be happy to talk with you.And you don't have to share every single number, but you can start with just one simple sentence. Something like, I've been carrying this alone and I need help. It's okay to need help. See, that sentence is a door.And God often sends peace through people. That's what I've found. And then once you do that, rebuild success around peace, not applause. Here's the shift. Success isn't Nobody suspects anything.People are going to suspect what they want to suspect. You can't change them, but you can change you. Success is having clarity, knowing what your real situation is. Success is being consistent.Success is integrity. And success is peace. Because hear me on this one. God is not impressed by performance. He already knows the truth. What pleases God is that truth.Because truth is where healing starts. Truth is where wisdom can finally grow. And truth is where financial shame finally breaks. You want to know what the big takeaway is here?It's all about breaking shame by bringing things to light and bringing those things in truth. You don't have to look. Okay to be loved. God loves You. Either way, he loves you just as you are. So here's today's win for you.I want you to write down one sentence of financial truth that you've been afraid to admit and say it out loud, whatever that looks like for you. I've been living beyond my means. I'm not saving enough.I need to say no, whatever that is for you, whatever's in your life right now, and then take one small action that matches the truth. Cancel that subscription. Turn off that gym membership. If you're not going to use it now, I'm going to encourage you. Go use it. It's better for you.Take that pause or maybe just say one. Not this month. Yeah, I'd love to do that thing with my friends, but not this month.Because small steps taken today break those big cycles of living in shame. Well, let's get right to our Bible verse today. It comes to us from the book of Second Corinthians, chapter 12, verse 9. Again, Second Corinthians 12.9. But he said to me, and hear this one My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.This is another one of those verses I think you write down and put all over the place. But he said to me, my grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Because God doesn't require you to perform strength.He meets you with grace right in the place where you feel weakest right at this moment. How about we pray together? Heavenly Father, I just lift up my friend who is tired of pretending right now.And Lord, you see the stresses that we all hide. You see the fear behind the smiles. You see the weight that we carry to protect everyone else. And so I ask you right now, replace shame with grace.Replace anxiety with peace, Lord, and give us courage to tell the truth. Give us wisdom to take one small step. And give us strength to rebuild a life that's stable and honest.Remind us all, Lord, that we are loved not because we look successful, but because we're yours. And we ask this in Jesus name. Amen, friend. You don't have to perform your way in the peace. God will meet you in the truth.And if you've got a question for this show, I would love to hear your question. You can go to financiallyconfidentchristian.com/question you can type your question, but listen to this. You want to leave me a voicemail message?That's even cooler, isn't it? Go to financiallyconfidentchristian.com/voicemail. Go right there on your web browser. Click record and you'll be able to talk directly to me.We'll put those in the show notes too. So thank you so much for joining me today. Tough topic today, but it's a topic we had to cover. So stay financially savvy.May God bless you and you have a great day today.