How Do You Learn to Live, Not Just Survive?

What do you do when your income has changed but your nervous system still lives in survival mode? What if you can afford better? You want better, but you still feel uneasy every time you spend on yourself.Not because you're careless, not because you're greedy, because for a long time spending meant danger. So now you save, you invest, you work hard, and you keep living like one emergency away from losing everything.And somewhere deep down, you're asking a really honest question. How do you learn to live with gratitude and wisdom without feeling guilty for no longer living in survival mode?That's what we're breaking down on today's show. Hey, friend. I'm Ralph Estep Jr. I want to welcome you to Financially Confident Christian.Today we're talking about something that doesn't get discussed enough.What happens when your income improves, but your habits and your emotions are still shaped by poverty because you can look financially stable on paper. And internally, you still feel confused about how to spend money in a healthy and peaceful way. And this is about more than products and purchases.It's about healing, it's about stewardship. And it's about learning that survival is not the same as faithful living.Well, today we got a great audio message and I'm going to play that right now.

Hi, Ralph. So this might sound strange, but I've got something I've been wanting to ask you about.I grew up in serious poverty, like literal starvation kind of poverty in another country. And now I'm in my late twenties making decent money. I work full time in an office, do some side work and dance at clubs on weekends.I make around 20,000 Canadian a month before tax. But here's the thing. I have no idea what to do with it. I still eat frozen meals and instant noodles. My clothes are from high school.I only buy stuff on sale. It's like my brain never caught up to having money, you know?Recently I bought this health tracking device just kind of randomly and it's been life changing. I didn't expect that at all. That's when I realized I've never actually owned or tried decent things.I don't know what good quality looks like because I've never had it. So now I'm putting most of my money into investments, living exactly like I did when I was broke.I think I need to learn how to actually live, not just survive. I'm a single woman with a dog living in Canada. Travel's my only hobby. Hostels, Airbnbs with strangers, that kind of thing.What I'm really asking is what are some decent nice things I could spend money on that actually make your day to day better. Not crazy expensive, just what helps. And how do I make traveling more comfortable too? I'd really appreciate your thoughts on this. Thank you Ralph.

What an honest and open question today. And thank you so much for sending that in.If you want to send us a voicemail, you can go to financiallyconfidentchristian.com we'll put a link in the show notes. But what I love about this is God has brought you out of survival, but it's not wasteful to build a life that's healthy, that's stable and humane.So let's get into it today. I want to start by naming what's really happening here. What you're talking about is not a spending problem.What you're really referring to is what I'll call a poverty impend problem. When you grow up in deprivation and you certainly live there, your brain learns that comfort is risky and upgrades are irresponsible.But now you've told me you've got strong income and you still feel internally unsafe. That means your financial lives need wisdom and your heart needs gentleness.You don't have to apologize for outgrowing survival mode and also normalized attention. A lot of people who came from where you are, from a place of scarcity don't know how to spend without guilt.But you got to remind yourself that stewardship is not the same as permanent self denial. Because that's what I think you're in right now. You're in this stage of permanent self denial. So let's talk about how do you break free of that?I want you to build a quality of life category on purpose. You said, hey, Ruff, where do I spend my money? You don't create room for thoughtful spending.If you don't do that, you're going to either underspend for years or you're going to splurge randomly when you're exhausted. And that's unfortunately what happens to a lot of people. So how do you battle that?You give yourself a monthly line item called quality of life, do some lifestyle upgrades. We're going to talk about some great ones today. Or some daily comfort. Maybe start with a fixed amount.You can spend guilt free because the decision was already made in the budget. You don't have to worry about it. And that turns that spending from emotional improvisation into intentional stewardship.Now you might choose a percentage or even a flat dollar amount. The exact number matters less than the habit of permission with the boundaries. A budget isn't Only for controlling spending.A lot of people hear budget and they say, well, I'm just trying to control it. It's also about permitting good spending that can include things like home comfort, your health. What you mentioned you did this health app.You say you're really enjoying it. Maybe some time saving tools, some travel upgrades.I don't know about you, but I'm not cool about the hostels and living in shared spaces and better daily basics. But how do you make that happen? Here's what I'm going to encourage you to do. Upgrade the basics before chasing luxury.This is not a time to say, well, I'm going to go find extravagance. I don't think that's where you're going to end up because it doesn't sound like you've done that already and you're making really good income.But you do need friction, reducing basics that support your real life. Here's what I'm encouraged to do. Start with food. You said you're working a ton of hours. Well, one of the things you could do is buy better groceries.Things that are better for you. Maybe some. Because listen, noodles, we called them ramen when I was in college. Everybody lived on ramen.I think they were like $10 for a case of these things. You can move beyond that now. Maybe some simple meal prep help people don't think about this.Maybe some quality containers so you can pre cook your stuff or maybe even consider a healthy prepared meal service. You're working a ton of hours, you got two jobs, all those things will serve you well. Let's move on to sleep.A lot of people don't think about how important sleep is.You didn't mention it, but maybe it's time to get a good mattress, maybe some better pillows, maybe some blackout curtains so you can actually go to sleep. And maybe some breathable sheets. Yeah, I become an adult now and I didn't realize how many different options there are when it comes to sheets.But your bedtime routine can change your energy and it can change your health. Now one of the funny things you mentioned is your clothing. You sound like my oldest son. He still wears stuff from high school as well.So look at your clothing. I'm not talking about going and buying designer stuff like Louis Vuitton and Fendi and all those big things. Just clothes that fit well.I guarantee your clothes from high school probably don't fit well.They probably don't feel great and they make you feel like you're stuck in high school, afraid you're way beyond that think about shoes and coats and undergarments and weather ready layers. Hey, if you're in Canada, basic comfort matters and so does being able to bundle up. But then also consider your home setup.A lot of people don't think about this one. A comfortable chair, maybe some better lighting, some decent cookware. I love these air purifiers. Or maybe a robot vacuum. You work a lot. Robot vacuum.Plus you said you had a dog, so maybe some dog friendly practical upgrades that can improve your daily life more than just flashy purchases. And then I also want you to look at health and recovery therapy. Massage. Massage is one of the things that I splurge on everything every single week.It's one of the things I think is really important.Maybe some counseling, maybe a gym membership, some physiotherapy, some dental care, or maybe even a better primary care routine could be wise using that money. Sometimes the most spiritual use of money is removing avoidable strain from your everyday life. But just ask yourself one question before buying.Will this reduce my recurring stress? Will it save me meaningful time? And will it support my health and calling? But how do you implement this?I want to encourage you to spend in categories that match your actual life. You were shared with me very honestly. You're working hard, you're traveling by yourself, you're caring for a dog.Spend in ways that fit the reality you live in.For work life, think about better lunch systems, some reliable bags, some quality headphones, a good office chair if you work from home, and routines that make long weeks less draining. Here's some ideas for your dog. Think about services or tools that reduce stress. Maybe some better gear for your dog, some quality food.Maybe reach out for some training, support and. And maybe consider some pet insurance. I did a show a couple of years ago about pet insurance. Now let's talk about travel.Because when you told me about traveling and hostels, it doesn't mean you have to go first class, but it might mean you make direct flights when possible. Maybe you stay in safer neighborhoods. Hey, listen to this one. Maybe you get a private room instead of that youth hostel.Better luggage, shoes, all those things that travel well, TSA friendly organization and trips with more recovery built into them. Because if you're always staying in the cheapest place with strangers, you gotta ask yourself a tough question.Whether you're saving money or are you creating instability. Maybe one wise upgrade is staying somewhere quiet enough to actually rest.Maybe it's paying for airport transfers at night or buying a seat with more legroom on a long travel day. Comfort is not compromised when it helps you travel with peace and safety. Here's a good rule you can put into place.Upgrade the parts of travel that affect your sleep, your safety, and exhaustion first. But you also have to practice something here. You got to practice enjoying provision without guilt.And I got a feeling this is going to be the hardest part for you. You know how to earn money, you know how to save money, you know how to invest money, but you don't know how to receive.And that's very common for many people that have been where you are. Scripture doesn't teach reckless indulgence, but it also doesn't teach that faithful people must live as deprived as possible.Even the book of Ecclesiastes reminds us that receiving our portion and enjoying our labor can be a gift from God. Friend, gratitude and enjoyment can coexist if you plan wisely.You can honor God by avoiding waste, and you can also honor God by receiving provision with humility.So try this practice each month I want you to choose one upgrade that improves your daily life, and then pay attention to whether it genuinely serves you. Learn by observation, not shame. You're not betraying your past by building a gentler present. So where do you start?I'm not telling you to go make a shopping spree. Might sound like fun, but that's not what I'm encouraging you to do. Start by identifying the places in your life that still feel unnecessarily hard.Like I said, look at your food, look at sleep, clothing, homework, work, travel, and health. And then just choose one thoughtful upgrade in each area over time. It's not about becoming indulgent, it's about becoming whole.But now I want to slow this down for a second. When you live through real poverty, and you clearly did, spending on comfort can feel morally wrong even when you can afford it.Because your body remembers that lack that you went through. Your mind remembers that fear that you suffered. And your habits were built in a season when survival was the goal.Hey, survival was the only choice you had. So this isn't just about buying better things. It's actually about learning that God's provision in this season doesn't need to be met with guilt.It's okay to be grateful for what got you here. And it's also okay to stop living like hardship is the only faithful way to live.You can be wise without being harsh, and you can be discipled without being deprived. You don't need to earn the right to live decently. You need to learn how to steward provision without fear. So here's your win for today.I want you to list seven areas. Food, sleep, clothing, home, health, work and travel.And under each one of those, I want you to write one thing that will make your life meaningfully easier. Just that simple. Those seven categories. What would make those meaningfully easier?And then choose one item this month and buy it on purpose, not impulsively. If you're doing it on purpose, you're breaking that free that that feeling of guilt. Let's get to our Bible verse today.I promise that I'll mention Ecclesiastes. Let's get right to that. Ecclesiastes, chapter 5, verses 18 and 19.This is what I observed to be good that it is appropriate for a person to eat, to drink and to find satisfaction in their toilsome labor under the sun during the few days of life God has given them, for this is their lot.Moreover, when God gives someone wealth and possessions and the ability to enjoy them, to accept their lot and be happy in their toil, this is a gift of God. What a beautiful piece of scripture. Receiving God's provision with gratitude and wisdom is not selfish. It's part of learning to live faithfully.And you can do that starting today. How about we pray together? Heavenly Father, I want to lift up the person who's worked hard.They've come through real lack and struggles and they're still feeling unsure how to live in this new season. And Lord, you know what they survived.You know the habits that built fear into them, and you know how hard it is to be to trust that daily comfort is not the same as waste and wisdom as they decide what to keep and what to upgrade and how to use money in ways that support health and peace and faithful living. Protect them from guilt that doesn't come from you.Protect them from reckless spending as well, Lord, and teach them how to receive provision with humility, with gratitude, and with sound judgment. Let this season become one of healing, not just earning. And we ask this in Jesus name. Amen. Friend. I just want to pause here for a second.You've come a long way and this isn't going to change overnight. This learning is going to take time. That why spending is a skill. It's not some personality trait.And if you grew up differently than you live now, I would love to hear from you. If that guilt still shows up when you spend on yourself, you're not alone and I'd love to hear your story.Why don't you head right now over to financiallyconfidentchristian.com/question Again, That's financiallyconfidentchristian.com/question thank you so much for spending part of your time here today.I want to encourage you to stay financially savvy. May God bless you and you have a truly great day.

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