Why Can’t We Quit Paper Checks—and Are Scammers Cashing In?

Are you struggling with debt?

Feeling judged for renting?

Worried about elderly parents financial safety?

Well, join us today on Ask Graph as we tackle these tough questions with practical tips and a dash of humor.

Plus, we have a special co host, Craig Van Slyke, college professor and host of the podcast AI Go to College.

And here's a great thing.

He just relaunched Live well and Flourish.

It's going to be a great show today.

In a world where crushing debt keeps you trapped, where living paycheck to paycheck has become your new normal, and where the dream of reaching retirement seems impossibly out of reach, there's hope.

Join financial evangelist Ralph Estepp Jr.

A man who's walked through the fire of financial failure and emerged stronger on the other side.

Welcome to Ask Ralph, the show where real world experience meets biblical truth.

To break the bondage of financial despair, get ready to take control of your money, break free from the financial stress, and align your resources with God's purpose for your life.

This is Ask Ralph with Ralph Estepp Jr.

Hello everyone, and welcome to another episode.

I'm your host, Ralph, and today we've got some great questions that I believe are going to resonate with many of you.

Now, before we dive in, let me ask you this.

Have you ever felt trapped by your financial mistakes?

Have you felt judged by others for your financial decisions?

Are worried about the financial safety net of your loved ones?

If you answer yes to any of these, then stay tuned today because that's what today's show has in for you.

Don't forget to, like share and comment throughout the show because we love hearing from you.

And if you want to stay engaged beyond today's episode, sign up for our newsletter@askralphpodcast.com newsletter.

I'm also thrilled to introduce our guest and co host today, Craig Van Slyke.

Craig is a college professor and host of the podcast AI Goes to College and he's just relaunched Live well and Flourish.

So welcome Craig.

Welcome to the show.

Thanks, Ralph.

Glad to join you once again.

Yeah, it's so exciting.

I was sharing with Craig before the show started that he relaunched his Live well and Flourish Craig, and we'll talk about that a little bit later in the show, but it's something I definitely recommend that people go and check out.

But let's get to our first question.

Craig, what do you say?

Sure.

So let's start with our first question.

It's from someone who's feeling the weight of their financial mistakes and considering bankruptcy.

And here's what they wrote.

I'm struggling so deeply with the weight of my financial mistakes and the shame of even considering bankruptcy.

As a Christian, I feel torn that I am dishonoring God by not finding a way to repay everything I owe.

The Bible talks about debt, forgiveness and grace, but does that apply to me in this situation?

Or am I failing to live up to my responsibility that God expects of me?

I feel trapped, ashamed, and unsure of how to move forward while while still honoring God with my faith.

What does God really want for me to do when I've hit rock bottom like this?

Well, that's a tough one.

So first, let me say this.

I am truly sorry that you're feeling this way.

That burden of debt is heavy.

But remember this.

God loves you and he wants to help you through this difficult time.

So let's start with a Bible verse that really talks directly about that.

And I got this one from Psalm 34:18, and it says this.

And I thought this was so appropriate for today.

It says this.

The Lord close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

So what we're going to talk about first today we're going to do some basic practical tips to help you move forward.

And the first thing I'm going to say and Craig, you can jump in here whenever you want.

The first thing I'm going to encourage you to do, because this is a faith question for you and a financial question.

It's one of the reasons I do this show.

So the first thing I'm going to encourage you to do is spend some time in prayer, ask for God for His wisdom and direction, and first have a belief that he really does have a plan for you and he's going to guide your steps.

Now, once you do that, then I'm going to encourage you to go meet with a nonprofit financial counselor.

You can always schedule an appointment with someone that understands this.

Speak to somebody that can help provide you with some personalized advice.

This is not the time to go look on Google or go on Facebook or TikTok, but you really need to see someone who understands your situation and be honest about your situation.

I think that's the first thing.

Share your struggles with a trusted friend, maybe a family member or somebody at your church community.

Because listen, here's a big takeaway for your question right now.

You don't have to go through this alone.

And Craig, I thought I'd start off with a funny story.

I found this online.

Somebody was talking about how to prepare for debt and it says it.

And this isn't me.

So I'm Just going to take that ahead of time, he said.

This person said, I once knew someone who was so deep in debt that they considered selling their pet parrot to make ends meet.

Turns out the parrot was more valuable than they thought, and they ended up making enough money to pay off a significant portion of their debt.

The parrot even found a loving new home with a bird enthusiast.

So you never know what creative solutions God might provide.

And I thought that was really a good one.

Now, if anybody is in the chat and they want to comment about that first question, feel free to do so because listen, any, all of us have felt this way, Craig, I don't know if you've ever felt like this as well, but trapped by debt, you feel ashamed.

You know, it's, it's a difficult thing.

So the first thing I'm going to tell everybody to do is, first thing I want to say is like, you don't have to just assume that you've got to declare bankruptcy.

There, there are other options out there.

You can consider debt consolidation.

You can consider credit counseling or negotiating with creditors, you know, before resorting in bankruptcy.

How does this question hit you, Craig?

Like, what is your, what are your initial thoughts?

Well, first, be careful about credit counselors.

There are nonprofit agencies, I believe, that do that, that are certainly legitimate and there are for profit enterprises that do it, that are legitimate.

But there are a lot of them out there that are a little bit shady, but I think it's worthwhile.

I have someone I'm not going to name that was in pretty bad debt and she was able to go to one of the nonprofits and they negotiated down some of her credit card debt and it really helped her out of a jam.

I think bankruptcy should not be taken lightly, but it's in the law for a reason.

You know, we don't have debtor's prison anymore and that sort of thing.

And so as long as you're not hiding assets or doing something unethical or dishonest, I don't see anything morally wrong about bankruptcy.

You know, companies declare bankruptcy every day.

No, I absolutely agree with you, Craig.

And I think it's just, you know, being honest with yourself, understanding where you are now, that doesn't have to be the first thing that you do.

You know, one of the other things you can do is really sit down and do a budget.

Now, it might be some silly that I'm talking about that now, but create a realistic budget and you might put that budget together and realize, listen, there's no way I can make this work.

You know, you can look at your income streams, you can look at your debt and say, there is no way that I'm going to be able to make this work.

And that's when you have to make that tough decision.

But Craig, I agree with you.

I don't, I don't think there's any true admonition in scripture that says, you know, you shouldn't declare bankruptcy.

Now, that said, I think you have an obligation to be a good steward of your resources, which is why I'm getting ready to say what I'm going to say next.

And that is it's, this is time to learn from your mistakes.

At the same time, you got to reflect on the decisions that led you to this current situation you're in and use that experience as an opportunity to grow and to make some better financial choices.

But then at the end of the day, and Craig, I think this is what you were saying, maybe not in the same way you were thinking it, but at the end of the day, you got to trust in God's grace.

You know, this we live in, we have a graceful God.

And remember, his grace is sufficient for you.

It talks about that all through scripture.

He loves us and he wants us to go to him when we're in need of help.

Now, that doesn't mean we're just going to say to him, hey, let's handle this.

You know, it's on you, but you're going to have to do something about it.

So what are your thoughts on that, Craig?

Well, no, I think you're exactly right.

And I was glad to hear you bring up the idea of, of analyzing your behaviors so people can get into really difficult financial situations through no fault of their own.

I'm looking at you healthcare system.

So, you know, you have something like that or you lose your job or, you know, there are a lot of things that can happen in life that really are beyond your control and they lead you down a pretty unfortunate financial path.

But I suspect that a lot of people that get themselves in financial trouble, it's their own doing.

I mean, I've been in situations where it was a struggle to pay bills.

I've never had to declare bankruptcy, but it was 100% me being not very smart with my decisions.

Sure.

And as long as if you do decide to go through bankruptcy or if you do not, you really do need to take a look at your behaviors and see how they might have led you to where you are and then try to do things differently if you can.

I think that's so Important.

I absolutely agree with that.

And I think it's all about the, you know, learning from, you know, what you've been through.

And listen, we all make mistakes.

We all have situations where if we could go back and change something, if we could go back and do it a different way, well, we probably would.

I mean, that's just the truth of the matter.

And I got another funny story, Craig.

I read about this one online, too.

This guy heard about a guy who was so desperate to get out of his debt that he started a side hustle.

We talked about those last week, walking dogs in his neighborhood.

And he became so popular that he ended up walking 20 dogs a day.

So, yeah, it took off and the neighbors started calling him the Pied Piper of puppies.

So in that he was able to pay off his debt, but also started his own successful dog walking business.

So that's one of those situations where, you know, it's okay to think outside the box.

It's okay to realize that, you know, maybe there's going to be something that can change that can really improve the dynamic of the situation you're in.

So all hope is not lost.

Well, that brings up another point and a question I have for you.

Sure.

I see commercials on local TV about bankruptcy attorneys.

You know, if you've lost hope, call 1-800- bankruptcy, or whatever it is.

And I wonder if some people don't take bankruptcy as the easy way out, or at least think it's the easy way out.

But those that do think that bankruptcy is the easy way out, I think they're pretty badly mistaken, aren't they?

There's some serious downsides to bankruptcy.

Oh, yeah, absolutely.

And, you know, my first experience with this was when I was executive vice president of a credit union.

You know, we, we dealt with this every day.

You know, we would have downturns in the economy when I was there, and we would have members that would declare bankruptcy.

And yeah, I mean, it's, it haunts you.

I mean, that's just the truth.

It's not going to be a simple, hey, one and done.

It really is.

It's really impactful to your life.

It's going to impact your ability to buy a home.

It's going to impact your ability to get a credit car to better to rent a car.

It could even impact your ability to get a job.

A lot of employers are now looking at that as a, excuse me, a quote, character issue.

And they look at that like, wait a minute, you know, does this person lack character?

Because they have declared bankruptcy and I'm not saying I agree or disagree with that, but it is something that is, is real.

Those things stay on your credit report for 10 years.

I don't want to.

Yeah, I don't say it's a scarlet letter, but it's kind of like a scarlet letter.

But all of that said, you may get to a point, and I've counseled people in this very situation.

You may get to a point where it's like there's no other choice.

You look at the numbers, you just can't make it work.

And I'm not a bankruptcy attorney.

Craig and I are not giving any legal advice today.

We're just giving you some practical advice.

So one of the things I'm going to encourage you to do is listen to us.

But then if you're really contemplating bankruptcy, make that appointment, go talk with the bankruptcy attorney.

The bankruptcy attorney will walk you through what this means to you.

Because it really depends on your situation.

There are different, different types of bankruptcy.

There's, there's certain assets that you can keep, certain assets you can protect, certain assets you can't protect.

And you need to be prepared for what that looks like, Craig.

But that is a very good point is a lot of people think, you know, they see this commercial on TV and it's, hey, let's go declare bankruptcy.

And now that said, I will be honest with you.

When I was working in the credit industry, I'd love to lend people who had just gone bankrupt because here's why, they can't declare again for a while.

So in my view, and most of them see, there's a practical thing here, I think most people, most people want to pay their bills.

I really believe this, that, that is something I believe in my being.

Now, there are some people that intentionally aren't going to pay their bills.

I get it.

But I think most people start off with the expectation is they want to pay their bills.

And if they want to pay their bills, then this is an opportunity for them to re establish their credit.

So if you, if you get to the point where you declare bankruptcy, the next step to that, once you get past that, is to start rebuilding that credit.

That is, that is hugely important because it is going, you're going to need it because your insurance could be higher.

There's a whole bunch of things that could be more expensive because of that bankruptcy.

It's not something you should do lightly, I think.

Can't it even affect your ability to rent?

Oh, absolutely.

I mean, anybody who's going to look at your credit is going to look at that and say, wait a minute, you know, like I said, you got that stain.

And, and now I will be, I'll be honest with, I think the stain of that is not what it used to be.

I remember when I was a kid, like, if you talk about somebody going bankruptcy, I mean, they were like, they were shunned from society.

Like, those people declare bankruptcy, and I think you can misuse it as well.

And there's been some bankruptcy reform, which I think has helped because I think there was a lot of people that were just, you know, hey, every seven years or whatever.

I don't, I'm not an attorney.

Like I said, I don't know how often you can do it.

But they would just declare bankruptcy because, hey, it's time to declare again.

So, you know, I just think that is somewhat dangerous, you know what I'm saying?

Craig?

Well, and that's, that's certainly not Christian, you know, intentionally doing that.

So I suspect the people that would do that are not watching this, this live stream.

But who knows?

Maybe.

I think you're probably right about that, Craig.

Well, how about we move on to our second question?

Let's get to our second question.

So this question, we got some real heavy ones today, Craig, but this is what we got.

So this next question says, I'm struggling with something that's really weighing me down.

I'm still renting instead of owning.

I'm still renting instead of owning a home.

And every time it comes up in conversation, I feel this overwhelming sense of judgment from others, like I've failed in some way or that I'm not where I'm supposed to be financially.

It's hard not to internalize that.

And I find myself questioning my choices, even though I know renting makes more sense for my situation right now.

How do I stop letting this bother me?

And as Christians, how do we navigate the pressure to meet societal expectations about money and success, Success especially when it comes to something as personal as where we live.

I'd really love to hear your thoughts and guidance on this.

And again, this is another great question.

And it's easy to get caught up in that societal pressure that what society expects.

And I know you probably feel the same way, Craig, but as Christians, we need to remember something.

Our values and successes aren't defined by societal standards.

So I want to go to our second Bible verse.

We got one for each question today.

And this one comes to us from the book of Hebrews.

And this is from chapter 13:5.

And I thought this one was Perfect for this question.

Keep your life free from the love of money and be content with what you have.

For he has said, I will never leave you nor forsake you.

So, Craig, I just felt like that was really a good thing to say there.

But this is a tough question.

This is something that a lot of people and I feel like sometimes families put pressure on people, especially their kids.

You know, hey, when are you going to buy a house?

When are you going to move out on your own?

When are you going to do this?

And I think the first thing we've got to do, and this is my advice for today, is you got to focus on your personal journey.

Remember that everyone's financial situation is different.

What matters most is that you're making wise decisions based on your circumstances and God's will for your life.

And then the second piece of that, I think you've got a question.

These people that are surrounding you are these really supportive people.

I think you need to seek friends and family and mentors who understand and support your decisions because you need their encouragement because they can help you tune out that judgment of others.

And the third thing, and Craig, I'll let you comment here in a second, but the third thing I think we need to do is we need to educate others.

I think you need to educate others, educate yourself, too.

You know, explain the benefits of renting and the reasons behind your decision.

It's okay if your mother or your grandmother says, hey, Craig, how come you still haven't bought a house?

What's wrong with you?

You know, it's okay to educate them.

It's okay to explain to them the reason, because this can help them see it from your perspect and understand that owning a home isn't always the best option for everyone.

It's just not.

Yeah, I agree 100%.

Sorry.

No.

And, and I got a funny one here, too.

I got some funny ones today.

You got.

These were so heavy.

Craig, before I, before the show, I planned out some, some funny anecdotes.

I found this one.

And this was.

Another guy wrote this.

I think it was on Facebook.

It says, I once knew somebody who rented a tiny apartment above a garage.

Whenever people asked about his living situation, he would kindly say, I live in the penthouse suite above the garage.

His humor and confidence in his decision always made people laugh and help them see that renting wasn't something to be ashamed of.

So I think that's the first place we need to start.

We need to understand that we shouldn't allow ourselves to be judged for this.

Craig, what do you think?

Well, so my first thought was that the listener who asked this question should probably work on not worrying about what other people think, because that's really the crux of this.

And I know that's easy to say and hard to do, especially if it's coming from family members or really trusted others.

But, you know, who cares what other people think?

You have to make your own decisions, especially since they acknowledge that renting is the better financial decision for them.

Being house poor is a real thing.

A lot of people that want to own a home, you know, look at the mortgage payments and maybe the insurance payments and say, oh, I can afford that.

But Ralph, I think you've replaced an air conditioning unit not too long ago.

I have just had to work on the pool.

You know, it's always something.

So, I mean, budget wise, I would double the mortgage payment, mortgage and insurance tax payment to have as a budget for emergency repairs, especially if you're in a starter house, because they tend to be older and maybe not quite in great shape, which is why they're affordable.

And I think Jesus would tell us not to worry about society's expectations.

Society gets a lot of things wrong.

You're right.

And that's.

It's funny because in preparing for the show today, I wrote this down.

Craig, I'll read this right now.

I said, you got to start to reframe your societal expectation.

Remember God's societal expectations or that.

Excuse me.

Remember, societal expectations are not the same as God's expectations.

That's exactly what you're saying.

As Christians, our primary concern should be pleasing God, not man.

So that's where we need to start.

And I remember just what you talked about.

I was 22 years old.

I bought my first townhouse house.

And, man, I scrimped and saved.

I put every last ounce of squeeze and everything I could find to do it.

I got, you know, down payment assistance money.

I did the whole thing.

I was in the house about two weeks and my air conditioner blew up, the outdoor unit.

So I wasn't prepared for that, you know.

Now, fortunately, I had some family members that were willing to help me out.

They were able to.

To step up.

But I got this bill for like five grand.

I'm like, wait a minute, I just bought this townhouse.

I have no clue where that money's coming from.

And looking back at it now, that was a really bonehead decision for me.

I didn't have.

But the problem was, and even the banks and the lenders, they didn't care it's like, oh, you're a first time buyer.

We can lend you the money for the down payment, we can lend you the money for the closing cost.

But they don't think about, you don't have any fallback money.

You don't have that emergency fund.

And that was an absolute disaster.

It could have been.

And like I said, if I hadn't had somebody to fall back on, it would have been ugly.

Yeah, yeah, absolutely.

Well, there's another big kind of message here.

Many religious and philosophical traditions really emphasize the idea of contentment.

Regardless of your situation, you know, you don't necessarily need to be entirely feel like you have to stay in your current situation.

But even if you want to buy a house and you're not able to, you have to be okay with that.

You know, you can work towards it and save and have that as a goal.

But don't think less of yourself because that's your situation.

You need to kind of find some contentment.

And I think that's a Christian value as well, not just, you know, Buddhism and stoicism.

Absolutely.

And it's interesting, Craig, I talk about that on my show all the time, is like, we need to learn that contentment because it's so easy to want to keep up with.

The Joneses, you know, give you a great example of this, and this is kind of a, kind of a rough situation.

But I went to a church and this has probably been 15 years ago, and the members of the congregation were pretty well to do, and a lot of us had really nice houses.

Well, the pastor of the church became really good friends with many of the people in the congregation and he would get invited over to homes for dinner and weekends and all this kind of stuff.

Well, the next thing you know, the pastor is wanting to buy a house in the same neighborhood where a lot of other people live.

And I'm not, I'm not, I'm not diminishing his desire to do that.

But when you looked at his income, when you looked at his calling, man, he was way over his skis on that.

But there was this societal pressure to get into that house.

And I.

And I'm not sharing any.

Anything because we're not talking about, no, I'm not gonna say who it was, but it was brutal for them.

I mean, it was an absolute financial train wreck.

All because he was trying to keep up with what everybody else had and what everybody else had in the congregation.

But the real.

And I think God was teaching him a.

About contentment.

And I think, Craig, that is so appropriate what you just said because it is so easy to lose sight of that.

It's so easy to just get into that mold of.

Well, I just saw such and such, got this, they beautiful pictures on Facebook or they're sharing this Instagram or any of those things.

And, and it's so much pressure on us.

It's so much pressure on us to do, to keep up with the Jones as a, you know, kind of a cliche thing to say, but it's so much pressure to do that, that well.

And that's not going to be tied to your happiness.

So a quick story.

This past weekend I was at a conference in Tampa, which is where I earned my PhD, and it was, the conference was at the University of Tampa.

I got my doctorate from South Florida, University of South Florida.

But we, I happened to live about a mile and a half from the University of Tampa campus when, when I was in grad school.

And so I went for a walk one morning and found my old apartment building, which was an old 50s or 60s literal rectangular block building that was a crappy little apartment back, you know, when I was in grad school.

It was one of the best times of my life.

I mean, I was happy, I was excited about what I was doing.

I didn't have any money, but I had enough.

And I've had some nice houses and I don't know that I've been any happier or more contented with myself in the big houses than I was in that little two bedroom apartment.

And so, you know, you can be happy just about anywhere.

And if that happens to be a, you know, a crappy little two bedroom apartment, well, okay, you know, that's the way it is.

Just try to be happy.

I absolutely agree with that.

And I think the other side to this is setting financial goals for yourself.

And you can't judge somebody from the outside because you don't know what their goals are.

They may have a goal to be somewhere, to do something.

Maybe they have a plan, they want to take a trip or something like that.

Or they've got this, this bucket list.

I just had a client in a couple hours ago.

He just retired.

He worked in the airline industry for many years.

He just retired.

He says, Ralph, he says, we're thinking about selling our house and renting because we want to free up some cash so we can travel while we still have the ability to travel.

It's not my place to judge him.

I get that, you know, but he's got financial goals, he's got a plan.

He's got a way he wants to achieve them.

And that's really what we're talking about when we talk about a sense of purpose, a sense of direction.

CRAIG Because I've shared it on my show many times.

I've been there, I've had the Corvette, I've had the fancy watches.

And you know what?

You get to a certain point, you're like, yeah, it doesn't fill me.

It just doesn't.

And it's sad because so many people are chasing after that and they think that that's going to be the end all, be all.

That's what's going to solve all of the things that, the things that are keeping them up at the depression they're facing.

But all they do is just exacerbate a problem.

They get into a house they can't afford.

I don't know how many times I've been in our area here, we call them the McMansions.

There's a lot of people that own these half million, dollar, three quarter million dollar houses.

But you go in them, there's nothing in them because they can't afford to furnish them.

They can't afford to heat and cool them.

You go in there in the wintertime, they got like parkas on.

And those kinds of decisions are not unrelated to the bankruptcy quest.

A lot of times those are the sorts of decisions that will get you into financial trouble.

You know, one last thing, houses are a burden, not just a financial burden, but if you want to travel, if you want to change jobs, if you want to, you know, move when you retire, it's expensive, you know, you might, if you're in it long enough, you'll probably do just fine.

But, you know, there been a couple of times when I've sold a house after for a relatively short period of time and it did not go well financially.

Craig I've been there.

There's been many times when my wife and I, we decided, you know what, my wife, when we first got married, I think we moved 13 times.

And it wasn't like we, you know, we, I guess we could make the argument we were moving up or moving on up, as the Jeffersons would say, we are moving on up.

But, but no.

And there were times when I was like, you know what?

I don't even want to own anything right now.

We're going to go rent.

We rented a place at the beach or rented a condo at the beach.

And to be honest with you, it was sort of a liberating feeling like I, I wasn't Worried about, you know, what's going break next and all this kind of stuff.

And I'll share one more funny story.

This actually happened to a client of mine.

They decided they were going to rent a small apartment in a trendy neighborhood.

They basically had one sort of like that small, small apartment, you know, like a studio apartment.

And the friends would always ask them, you know, like, wait a minute, why don't you have this big house?

And.

And they would joke that they were minimalist pioneers in their neighborhood.

And I thought that was a.

Urban pioneers.

Yeah.

They even started a blog post about the minimalist lifestyle.

I think my wife would embrace that.

But, you know, that's what it's all about is having that ability to laugh at yourself and embrace, you know, that uniqueness that makes you who you are.

And it's so tough.

You know, we judge people so strongly on this kind of stuff and we look down at them and it's funny because I talked about this on the show, I think it was last week.

Craig, I know people that are more wealthy than you can ever imagine, not in their bank account, but in their life because they have those relationships, they have that fulfillment in their things.

And that doesn't come with a, an address out front.

It doesn't come with a four bedroom house with an ensuite.

I think, you know, a lot of people think, you know, that's what they have to get to.

And I see it in young people.

It's kind of sad.

Like I'll see a young couple, they'll get married, and then the first thing they need to go out and buy that big house.

And then it just creates this financial animosity and anxiety towards each other.

And then it creates, you know, strife in their relationship because they're robbing Peter to pay Paul to not only make the mortgage payments, but now the utilities cost more, their insurance costs more, they got to furnish the place and it just becomes an absolute burden.

And I love what you said there, Craig.

It's so true.

A home is a burden.

And I even question look, and I do financials for a living.

I'm not honestly sure buying a house is really a smart financial move.

I really, I really can't answer that.

Because it depends, especially with the new standard deduction.

Ralph, I have a, I have a little warning for you though, okay?

I would not bring up this minimalism thing to your wife because, you know, one of the minimalism guru says that you should look at everything you have and ask if it still brings you joy.

Oh boy.

And if she answers wrong.

If she answers the wrong way about you, you could be looking for an apartment yourself, right?

Oh, that could happen, man.

Well, yeah, you don't want to do that.

At least here on the farm, you know, we've got some other living arrangements that I could move to, I guess, if I had to, Craig.

But that is a.

Yeah, my wife is a very, very dist.

Minimalist.

She basically has a belief if you haven't used it in three months, you probably don't need it.

Which.

Which is great.

I mean, but.

But I also understand that from her perspective, the way.

The way she grew up.

I mean, her.

Her parents had stuff stacked around the house.

They.

It kind of looked like an episode of Hoarders.

So I kind of understand that.

So if I could go kind of psychologist for just a second there.

There's a thing called hedonic adaptation, which just means that if you try to satisfy yourself through pleasures, through buying things, that'll help for a little while, but then you'll need to buy something else because you adapt to having that new thing.

And so, you know, this new thing is nice and shiny and new, and it brings you a lot of joy for a short period of time, but then it doesn't.

So then you need another new thing and another new thing and another new thing, and that's how you end up, you know, in a bad situation.

That's how I ended up with about 25 watches, by the way.

So don't do that.

It's not a good idea.

No, I definitely hear that, Craig.

I got a few of those watches, too.

But it's funny, now I just wear this Apple watch all the time.

So if it wasn't for the Apple watch, I'd probably be in the same situation you are.

But let's get to our third question.

And our last question tonight, or unless we get other people in the chat, is about protecting elderly parents from fraud while respecting their preferences.

And here's what the listener wrote.

They wrote this.

I'm really worried about my elderly parents.

They still write mail checks for almost everything.

Paying bills, tithing to their church, even sending money to family.

I've tried to explain to them how unsafe this can be with scammers stealing checks from mailboxes and using their account information to drain their savings.

But they say it's the way they've always done things and they don't trust online banking.

I don't want to pressure them, but I'm scared they'll lose everything they've worked so hard for.

How can I protect them from fraud while respecting their trust in those old habits?

And how do I help them see that times have changed without making them feel judged?

And listen, this is a super sensitive situation and it's great you're approaching it with care and respect.

So let's start with a Bible verse as we talk about this.

And I found this one, Craig, which I thought was really appropriate.

And it's 1st Timothy 5, 8 and it says, but if anyone does not provide for his or her relatives, especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.

Now that might be a little harsh, but you know, I think that's what we're talking about here.

And I think I like the tone of the listener question because I understand their concern.

I deal with this on a daily basis.

I see people that are victims of fraud.

But you also have to realize something.

I remember my dad and my grandfather used to always say, you know, respect your elders.

That's sort of kind of going out of vogue now.

But I understand the concerns, but I think you have to approach this from a careful situation.

And that's why I'm going to jump right into some of the things that I, when we got this question, this is what I came up with, Craig.

And I think you need to, and as this person alluded to, I think you need to educate them gently.

You know, I don't think it should be just rush right into it.

You know, you can explain to them the risk of mailing checks and you can tell them about the scams and in a non judgmental way because if you come at it with like, you need to stop writing those checks, you're going to lose everything you have.

You're going to lose the conversation because they're just going to say to you, they're going to put their fingers in their ears and come tune you out.

Because what you need to do is maybe share some stories with them, share some examples of some of the things that have happened.

And then the second piece, that is once you educate them, offer them some alternatives, you know, give them some idea of some things that they could do instead.

You know, maybe using a secure mailbox or hand delivering payments.

Now I think that's a little bit silly.

But you know what?

Some people, that's what they do.

Like I have clients, clients in my practice, Craig.

I think it's the funniest thing ever.

They, they, they won't call me to make an appointment.

They'll come to the office and stand in the lobby to make an appointment with my step.

I'm like, you know, you could call.

Well, you know, I don't trust put giving my name over the phone or give them my information over the Internet.

And I get it, you know, but.

But it's like, you know, there.

There's a way to do it and there's a way to do it.

Another thing I'm going to recommend is maybe setting up automatic payments for their bills.

You know, that way they can get out of that habit of writing a checks.

I'm a big fan of this because it really.

And it's really a good thing as they, you know, if they start to sort of suffer, some not want to say dementia, but some seniority, I guess is the right term to use, you know, and then, you know, just maybe encourage them to really look at some other options because I think it's so important that you don't, you know, just say to them, hey, just shouldn't do this anymore.

Craig, what do you think about that?

Well, I think the listener is making a pretty big assumption that I'm not sure is correct.

So for a lot of us, making payments online is probably safer than writing a check, although I'm not entirely convinced of that.

But I have a question for you.

Have you had your credit card.

Had a credit card number compromised?

Oh, it seems like it happens once a month.

Craig, have you ever had a check washed that you wrote?

You know, I haven't personally, but we've had a situation with some of our clients over the last couple months where clients that are in business, people and they're doing payroll.

We've had it a couple times where people have stolen payroll account bank information, and I'm starting to see more and more of that.

But yeah, I mean, it does happen.

So I'm not sure you're safer to pay things online.

I think paying through your bank's payment system is probably really safe, but it's a couple times a year, you know, one of my credit cards gets hacked, and I'm fairly careful about it.

So I think there's an assumption there that putting them online would be safer.

That's especially questionable for the elderly because they.

They don't know the online world very well.

And it's very.

It's more likely that they would fall victim to an online scam than they would have somebody steal a check.

So I think there's a relatively simple solution to this, especially if the listener lives in the same town as their parents, pick up their checks and take them to the post office for them.

You know, it's an excuse to go check on them once or twice a week.

If you take the check to the post office, the likelihood of anything going wrong with it is, you know, it's not zero, but it's pretty low.

The problem with checks is if you stick it in the mailbox and put your flag up announcing, hey, there's something in the mailbox.

But if you take it down to the post office or even to a post office mailbox at the grocery store or something like that, the likelihood of somebody getting a hold of that check and doing something with it is pretty low.

I'm not sure that the assumption here is right.

So I don't know.

What do you think?

I got a great story for this.

So I was telling you about when I ran the credit union.

So picture this.

It's like a Friday morning, Craig.

I'm sitting at my desk, and all of a sudden I hear this ruckus out on the teller line.

And we had, you know, five or six tellers inside the lobby.

And then we had the traditional drive up.

Well, I had two ladies working in the drive up.

And I'm wondering, what's going on?

I'm thinking, are we getting robbed?

What's going on?

This girl is screaming.

This lady's screaming.

So I run to the back.

I run in there, and she goes, ralph, Ralph.

And she's got this check in her hand.

She's going, ralph, look, look, it's.

It's mine, it's mine.

I'm like, what are you talking about?

She goes, no, it's mine, it's mine.

I'm like, stop.

Calm down for a second.

Explain to me.

So this is how bad luck people who are criminals have, Craig.

So this criminal had stolen checks from a mailbox, okay?

Then goes to the credit union where I worked and is presenting this check for a cash withdrawal.

And the person that she's presenting it to is the person she stole the checks from, from.

And so think about that for a second.

You know, I'm thinking, wow, in all the world, right, you steal checks, and the person you steal the checks from happens to be the teller at the credit union where you're going to write the check.

So I calmed this lady down.

I said, here's what I want you to do.

So we.

We.

We called the local police department.

It was Newark Delaw.

We called the Newark police.

And he goes, I had a good friend who's a detective, he says, I'll be right down.

And so I said to the Lady, I got you.

We get on the speaker, you know that squawk box out there, you know.

Oh, you know, we don't have enough change to give you here.

Can you come around front and go and a lot lobby.

And I have expected them, they're going to peel away, you know, and just leave it.

But no, they pulled up, parked the car staying in the lobby and it was a busy, like it was a Friday morning.

There's a lot of people in line so they're waiting in line.

And with that my friend, this guy's name was Ralph also he walks into the branch and he looks and he goes, hey Peaches.

And he's looking right at her.

Well, he already knew who she was.

She was like a prolific criminal.

And it was just so funny because you talk about stealing checks but imagine that you're.

It's like that dumb robber story, right?

Like your luck is so bad that you decide to steal someone's mail and you go to where they work and they're the person got the check.

And I had to talk this the lady that was working with me down from the edge because she was freaking out.

She's like.

Because I think in her mind she's like I got to do this transaction.

But it's like no you don't.

It's bogus.

Sounds like Peaches needs to rethink her life decisions.

Oh absolutely.

I really expected the story to involve an arm and a pneumatic tube.

Now we never had any of those, man.

We had some crazy stories.

So while we're talking about that, one of the funny things that would be on Friday mornings.

Now our main group for our credit union was a Chrysler assembly plant.

So these guys really, they work shift work and all this kind of stuff.

What was funny, Craig?

When I first started working there, one of my jobs on Friday mornings was go out to the drive thru and wake everybody up.

Because what would happen is they would work I think 11 to 7 and then our, our branch, our credit union was just a single branch.

We wouldn't open up till 8am so they would park in the drive through and they take a nap.

So every Friday morning and I'm out there whacking on the windows, hey, get up.

This bank, the credit union's open but yeah, nobody's stuck in Nomadic.

We did have a tube get stuck when somebody tried to put about $50 worth of quarters into it because they were trying to deposit into their accountant.

And I'm thinking what is going on?

This tube was like up and down.

It was insane.

On a more serious note, related to this question, I think everybody out there that has less technologically savvy family members ought to have a chat with them about not clicking on links.

I don't know if you've gotten these up here, but I've been getting.

I have a Florida cell phone exchange I'm getting a couple times a week, pay this bill from the, you know, the Florida Turnpike association, whatever it's called, Sun Pass.

And the first one came in after I'd been down to Florida.

And so I looked at it and it thought for a second, said, wait a second.

The rental car company always bills that at an outrageous rate.

And so I knew it was a scam, but my wife's been getting them, and so a lot of people are getting them, and if you click on that link, think it's going to ask you for information and you're going down a bad path.

And so I really.

They're getting.

With AI, these phishing scams are getting more and more sophisticated.

So have a talk with your less technologically savvy family members.

Yeah, I agree with that.

And, you know, a couple other things I want to mention here is, you know, I think the listener makes a very good point.

They say involve them in the process.

You know, you can show them how online banking works and how they can check their accounts regularly.

You might actually find that they really enjoy it.

I've got a lot of elderly clients that love it now.

I mean, they are just.

They love it.

They're like, ralph, I scan stuff now and I'll send it to you electronically.

And they, they just absolutely embraced it.

But at the same time, you got to respect their autonomy.

You know, they've been doing this longer than you, so it's okay to say, hey, look, here's some alternatives.

Here's where my concerns are.

But if they're looking at their statements every month, Craig, I think you make a good point.

I think the likelihood of there being an issue is small, but I understand it, you know, and I understand that, you know, maybe you come alongside with them and, and you.

And with their permission, you ask them to help them look at their accounts, look at their credit card accounts, you know, help them get to that peace of mind.

And finally I'm going to say, you know, pray for guidance on this.

It's a tough thing, you know, and, you know, I've seen this a couple times in my practice where I've had clients who are starting to have that little dementia, and I've noticed trends and I've had to reach out to their, you know, family and say, hey, we, you know, grandma's got, or your mom or your grandmother's got an issue.

So it can also be part that too.

And I like what you said though, Craig.

You're like, hey, one of the things you might want to concern, you know, make, you know, make do that check in.

I think that's huge.

Well, I have one more suggestion that, that I want to get your take on.

So one thing that occurred to me is you could set up a separate bill paying account that has a limited amount of funds.

Let's say that their monthly bills are $2,000 a month.

Well, you make sure that, that the beginning of every month that's got $2,500, $3,000, whatever in it.

And that's what they write their checks against.

So even if there is a problem, you've kind of limited that downside risk.

And if you want to go a step further, there are larger accounts.

You can, I think you can still have accounts set up that require two signatures where they, you have to sign that and that help, that can help them not, not just avoid being scammed but also avoid making some really bad decisions.

If they are starting to degrade a little bit mentally, you can do that.

The problem with that, Craig, from a practical standpoint is no bank or credit union is really going to care.

Nobody's looking at the checks for two signatures.

Now it becomes an issue that if they go to the particular bank and there's, I mean, it really is silly, but if they see two lines there and there's only one person signed, they might actually ask a question.

I think at some point, Craig, it was sort of common to like look for that stuff.

But now, but I agree with you, I think having a separate account is a great idea.

I've got some clients that do a lot of online business and what they've done is set, set up separate, what I'll call petty cash accounts and they transfer, you know, what they need to do for PayPal or for one of the cash apps.

I think that's a great idea.

I really do.

This is just my own curiosity, but, but if a bank cleared a check that was supposed to have two signatures and it only had one, wouldn't the bank be liable?

Yeah, absolutely.

And I, that, I didn't mean to overstate that.

Yeah, I mean the bank is going to be on the hook, so.

Yeah, absolutely.

So it protects you.

I mean the key to all of this, to be very candid with you, Craig, is timely reporting.

That's really what it comes down to.

You know, I'm not a huge fan of debit cards.

I'm not a huge fan of writing checks.

I think, you know, it's funny because I, a lot of people say, yeah, but credit's bad.

I'm like, well, if you use credit wisely, it's not bad at all.

Because, you know, the thing is, and somebody asked me the other day, they said he was sort of having a battle with me in my office.

He said, I listened to your podcast and you said I should use credit cards.

And I said, yeah.

I said, because here's the problem, right?

If you use a check, if you use a debit card and someone compromises your account, that money's gone.

Now you may end up getting it back from your bank.

Absolutely, I agree with that 100%.

But it's going to be a process.

It's going to be a time consuming process.

There's going to be provisional credits, you're going to have to fill out what they call affidavits of forgery and all this kind of stuff.

The thing is, with a credit card, you know, who cares?

Because you just don't make the payment at the end of the month with that particular charge.

And I think actually the credit card company is a little bit more responsive in that, you know, they got these neural networks that are looking out for fraud.

I don't know about you, Craig, but most of the time I learn about my credit card being compromised because the credit card company reached out to me and said, hey, we noticed some strange charges.

Yeah, well, the way that I think about it is with a debit card, I've got to try to get my money back.

Back.

With a credit card, they've got to try to get the money from me.

I agree.

That's a very different thing.

The other thing is that the credit card, the word is a little bit of a misnomer if you use it, Right?

That's right, yeah.

I mean, technically you are being extended credit for that monthly period of time, but if you pay it off, it costs you nothing if you pay it off every month.

Just have to be really careful about doing that.

That and there are some perks.

You know, I get airline miles, Amazon points, that sort of thing.

And so I, I, the only reason we use a Dedic debit card is because it's tied to the interest rate on our checking account, have a certain number of transactions to get the 7% interest.

So.

Yeah, absolutely.

And as we talked about that last week you just understand your banking relationships.

But no, I think this is a great time to have that conversation with your.

With your parents and say, hey, you know, did you think about you could do this?

You know, did you think about you could do that?

And I think it's a great idea.

Craig, listen, I want to give you a couple minutes.

Now, I know you've relaunched your podcast, and I want.

I think people that listen to my show would really be a good candidate for listening to yours.

So I, I just want to give you a couple minutes to talk about what you're doing and what you're trying to accomplish with the Live well and Flourish.

It's been a great.

I've really enjoyed it.

Well, thanks, thanks.

So Live well and Flourish is all about how to live an excellent life and kind of the sense of a life of deep meaning and purpose.

And so I've thought about this a lot over the years and I've written about it a lot.

And so I produce Live well and Flourish to help other people live excellent lives.

My purpose in life is to help others live a life of purpose and meaning.

And so one way I can serve that purpose is through the podcast.

And it's all available@livewellandflourish.com you can go to livewellandflourish.com follow and there'll be links for Apple Podcast and all the others.

And so the episodes are short.

They're usually less than 10 minutes.

One big message.

Some things to put into practice in your life.

And I think the return on the investment for that 10 minutes is usually pretty high for people.

So I'd love it if you listen again.

It's livewellandflourish.com thanks, Ralph.

Now, great, Craig.

And I heard something.

I was listening today.

I was telling Craig before the show.

I was so excited when I saw that this morning you're actually going to have a guest host, which is kind of not a guest host.

Can you.

Is it.

Am I spoiling a secret?

I don't think I am, because you mentioned it, but can you tell us about that?

Because I thought this was really cool.

Yeah, well, we're going to see how it turns out.

So ChatGPT will actually talk to you.

You can have conversations with it, and I mean voice conversations.

And so what I'm going to do, I'm going to have some kind of deep conversations with ChatGPT, whom I call CG just for short.

And so CG and I are going to have some kind of deep coffee shop conversations about how to live an excellent life.

And it's experimental.

We'll see how it goes.

I think it's going to be interesting and I think it's going to be quite insightful for people, not just in what the conversations that I'll have with CG, but also what they might do with ChatGPT or some other AI.

It's really an untapped potential for helping people think through these really tough decisions and how to live a better life.

So I hope people will tune in.

It's going to be fun, I think.

Yeah.

And I think one of the things you said to this morning, and the thing is, you're doing a lot for you.

I mean, it's a lot for you, the reason you're doing it.

And, and you know, one of the things I, I think you're right.

I think people, I have a lot of people say, oh, that, that AI, that's scary, that's.

But I think you have to realize it's all around us and you can either accept it and learn, learn to use it, learn to live with it, or just bury your head in the sand.

And I, I think it's really encouraging, Craig, that you're coming at it from that direction because what you're basically saying is you're using it as somebody to have a conversation with.

And it's not that you're taking what they say is the gospel.

You're not saying, well, CG has all the answers.

You're just kind of poking and prodding and it may make you think about things you might not have thought of.

And I think that's brilliant.

That's right.

Well, I look at these AI chatbots as being very patient friends and colleagues.

And so, you know, if it's, you know, Ralph, you and I both get up early, but if I want to talk to somebody about something at 3:30 in the morning, there are not a lot of people I can call that'll be all that happy to hear from me.

But you know, CG's right there.

I can talk to her about anything.

Now I'm a little worried about Tracy getting up in the middle of the night and wondering who I'm talking to.

You know, it's kind of like that State Farm commercial.

Oh, it's Jake from State Farm.

Oh, yeah, you're talking to cg.

Who's this cg?

But, but really that ability to be able to, to talk with even an artificial someone any time of the day or night is pretty huge.

You know, we have a loneliness epidemic in the US and you know, is it as good as having a close friend?

No, but, you know, available is better than not available.

I agree with you, Craig.

Would it be interesting though, if a CG kinds pro starts prodding you and say, hey, Craig, it's time to get up.

We need to have our conversation this morning.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I can see that coming, you know, all of a sudden.

I don't know about you, but sometimes, you know, my, my Apple products, I'll be careful I don't use the word here, but my Apple products will start talking to me sometimes without me even able asking.

Yes, yes, that we will not use that word.

Although we should use the Amazon one for everybody that's streaming and see what happens to, to them.

We might get some hate mail after that one.

Craig, thanks for letting me plug the podcast.

No, absolutely.

Craig, listen, I think it's valuable and I think it really fits with what we do here on the show.

And, and what I mean by that is it's talking about things beyond money.

You really talk about, like, what does it mean to live well.

Well, what does it mean to flourish?

Because, and it's different for everybody.

Just like everybody's financial destiny or financial journey is different.

Everybody's journey in that regard is different too.

And I just feel like it's a great resource.

Like Craig said, it's brief, but it really makes you think.

And if you don't think, then, you know, you're not going to grow.

And I think that's one of the things to do is, you know, as we get older, we want to grow.

So I just want to end here with a couple of reflection questions.

I always like to end these with the show.

And so let's start with the first one.

And that is, that is what is one practical step you can take this week, not next week, this week, even today, I'm going to encourage you to address your financial struggles.

You know, one of the things we talk about on the show all the time is how to overcome our financial struggles.

And the second piece of that is trust God more in the process.

So that's my first reflection question, you know, what is one practical step that you can take this week to address your financial struggles and better trust God?

The second one, how can you shift your focus from that societal expectation?

We talked a lot about that today.

Craig, what are the expectations that we have on it and shift that to God's will for your life?

You know, one of the things that I pray every morning is, God, what will you have for me today?

Now There are some days he throws stuff my way.

I'm like, dude, I wasn't ready for that.

You know, as an example, like I'm going to just mention this on the show tomorrow.

Be two days or two years since my mother passed away and I kind of been in this like funky mood the last couple days and it didn't occur to me till this morning.

Well, you know, it's just God's way of reminding me that, you know, it's, we all have a expiration date.

And so one of the things that I'm taking from that is, you know, really live each day to the fullest and say to God, you know, what do you have?

What is your will for me today?

And you can apply to the financial decisions as well.

And the last thing, in what ways can you respect and honor your loved ones preferences while also protecting them from potential harm?

We talked a lot about that with dealing with your, your folks or your grandparents.

It's really a great opportunity for you to come alongside them and sort of coach them.

You know, a lot of people.

You know, I got one particular client, I think he's in his mid-80s now and he says, well, I always call my granddaughter when my iPad starts acting up.

And his iPad acts up a lot even when it's not acting up, because he just wants to connect with his granddaughter.

And it's something that the granddaughter, I don't think she knows it, but she doesn't realize that.

She's like, oh, grandpop needs help with his iPad again.

His iPad's fine.

He just wants that connection.

So, Craig, again, I want to thank you and thank everybody for joining us today.

It's been a great time, a great conversation.

As normal, remember this.

God cares about every aspect of our lives, including our finances.

Our goal is to seek him first and everything else will fall into place.

And if you want to stay engaged with our community and receive more practical tips, again, biblical encouragement, I'm going to encourage you to sign up for our newsletter.

You can do that by going to askralphpodcast.com newsletter.

You can also check out Craig's podcast, that is AI Goes to College or livewellandflourish.com so join us next week for the live show.

You can catch me every day@askralph.com but join us next week as we continue to explore the intersection of faith and finance.

And until then, God bless you and have a great week.

Thanks again, Craig.

Thank you for joining us on the Ask Ralph show.

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