Why Do the Holidays Leave Me Feeling So Empty?

Are the holidays stressful for you? I know they're stressful for so many of us. Listen to this. 9 in 10Americans feel stressed during the holidays with 4 in 10. Listen to this.40% say their stress is higher than in any other time during the year. This is supposed to be a joyous season.And nearly 2/3 of people with existing mental health conditions say their symptoms worsen during the holiday season. I mentioned this the other day. 63% of Americans say the holidays are more stressful than tax season.Again, I don't know if I believe that, but fair enough. And 79% of this admit that they neglect their own health during this time of year.And one third of adults say their mental health actually declines between November and January. It just proves what I've been talking about today. The emotional toll is real. Which leads me to today's listener question.Ralph, I feel like the holidays drain me emotionally and financially. Every year I make a money budget, but how do I set a mental health budget too? What a great question.Truth is, we budget for gifts, we budget for food, and we budget for travel. But how often do we budget for peace? Because your emotional energy is just as valuable as your money.Well, let's talk on today's show about maintaining our mental health during the holidays. I've got some answers on today's show. Let's protect our mental health this Christmas.This is Financially Confident Christian, your daily dose of gospel, grounded insight and faith driven tips to help you break the cycle of financial shame with confidence. Welcome to the show. I'm Ralph. I want to just thank you so much for joining me as I help you break that cycle of financial shame with confidence.We're continuing our series of find enjoy in the Holidays without going Broke. And listen, I've worked for years counseling clients who plan their finances. They do a great job on that.They've got great spreadsheets, they've got great budgets, they've got great intentions. But they ignore their stress until it overwhelms them. And listen, I've had to learn that myself. You got to learn something right now.This is Ralph's big takeaway for today. Peace doesn't happen by accident. It's something that you've got to protect intentionally.Just like I talk on the show about an intentional spending plan, peace is something you have to protect intentionally. And I want to share a story today.Remember when my kids were real young, my kids were, I'm talking about toddler age and everyone expected us to run these kids all over the place on Christmas we had to go see the grandparents and the other grandparents and the aunts and the uncles and the cousins, and it became crazy. And listen, I bought into it. I was like, oh, show off my little babies, and we're going to have a great time.We got them dressed up in their cute little suits and their special Christmas outfits, and, man, by the time we got to about halfway through the day, the kids were worn out. They were crying, they were screaming, they were caring. My wife and I, we're sitting there bickering at each other. What a destructive holiday season.And I said, we got to stop this. We can't continue this. And my wife and I sat down that Christmas night. I'll never forget it. We were emotionally drained.The kids had fallen asleep on the couch. I mean, there was drool coming out of the sides of their mouth. There was toys everywhere, mess everywhere, and all of us were just worn out.And I said, we got to stop doing this. And my wife said, here's what we're going to do from now on, Ralph. These kids are staying home all day Christmas.If somebody wants to come and visit, they come see us. And we've done that ever since. And now my kids are 24 and 28. We don't have that little going around everywhere thing.But, man, it made an amazing change in the family dynamic. And I love what Brene Brown said. Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others.And that's what I was so worried about. I was so worried about disappointing my mother and my father and her parents and the aunts and the uncles.But listen, those boundaries help us love ourselves and love our children. My wife really had to say, ralph, stop doing this. You're running the kids. Drag it. So let's get to our question today, and this is so critical.How do I set healthy emotional boundaries during the holidays? I'm going to tell you how I think you can do it. Number one thing, you've got to recognize that peace is valuable.I want to say something really bold here. You can't give what you don't have. And if you've given up all your mental energy, you're never going to be able to give it to somebody else.That mental energy honors both God and others. Think about my story. My wife got upset. We were nearly screaming at each other because we were trying to run ourselves ragged.We're trying to do too much. We have to recognize that peace is valuable. Your peace is valuable. Don't give it up. Protect it. That's where you honor God. Another thing.Schedule, rest. You've got to do this like I'm one of these people. Like I'm type A. I'm going and going and going.And as I get a little bit older, I've got to realize that I've got to schedule downtime. I got to just decide, you know, what I'll put on my calendar. It's an appointment that I don't cancel. It's like a doctor's appointment.When I see a doctor's appointment on my calendar, I'm going to make sure I'm there. Or if I've got a client coming in, I'm going to make sure I'm there. I encourage you, do the same thing with rest. Put it on your calendar.This is going to be my rest time. Another thing. Understand your emotional spending.Because every yes that you say, every time you volunteer for something, every time you agree to do something, it cost you. It cost you time, it costs you energy, and listen, it cost you peace. So decide to spend those things wildly. Be intentional about it.Because when you say yes to something, you're saying no to something else. And maybe you didn't want to say no to something else. Which leads me to this. Intentionally choose calm. Here's the truth.You can't control the sea in this chaos. It's going to happen around you. The noise of Christmas is going to happen, but you can choose how you show up for it. One of the things I learned.Listen, I've been many years of counseling. I was a wreck when I was a younger person, and I went through many years of counseling.And the counselor would always say to me, ralph, you can't control everyone around you, but you can control how you respond to that. You can control how you show up. But what that means is I got to plan accordingly. So intentionally choose that calm, choose that rest.Pick and choose what you're going to do. And last but not least, use faith as your fuel. I want to really lean into this for a second. Because there's so much fuel in your faith.Prayer, reading scripture, just those quiet moments. I think sometimes we lose sight of that. I love this verse, when the Bible says, be still and know that I am God. But what is he really saying to us?Be still. It helps you find that emotional balance. You can't buy that there's no peace.You're not going to get a massage, you're not going to get a facial, anything that's going to lead to that peace. When you just quiet and listen for God to speak to you. It helps you get back to centering on the point of what the holiday season really is.And that's the birth of Christ and the gift that we will never have the ability to overcome. That is the greatest gift of all time. Which leads me to our Bible verse today. And it comes to us From Matthew, chapter 11, verse 28.Again, Matthew 11:28. Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. I just love this scripture.When you're having a rough day, write this on your heart. Write it down somewhere where you see, because even God recognized this in his perfect creation of man. He recognized that we needed rest.So come to me, come to the Lord, all you are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. How about we pray together? We need prayers today. Lord, help us to set healthy boundaries without feeling that guilt and anxiety.And I feel like we're letting people down. And Lord, remind us that peace is worth protecting. It's that peace that you want us to look to you, Lord, and to listen for your quiet voice.So, Lord, teach me to slow down during this holiday season.Teach me to rest in your presence and not feel like I've got to keep running and running, Lord, help me to be intentional in my emotional spending, Lord. And we ask this in the name of Jesus, Amen. So here's my action item for today. I want you to really look at your calendar.I want you to block off one peace night this week. Do it right now. Don't wait. Don't wait for the next week. Do it right now. I want you to block it off one night a week. Your peace calendar.Put it on the calendar. This is the time when there's no events, no phone, no pressure. Put that phone away. You can take a few minutes without your phone.The world's not going to come to an end. Just rest. And while you're doing that, plan accordingly throughout the holidays.Look at your calendar right now for the next 45 days and say, you know what? I'm going to plan this and I'm going to plan. Take a look at what you've already committed to and say, you know, do I need to do all these things?You don't have to do them all. Remember, no events, no phone, no pressure. Just listen for that stillness and listen to God to talk to you.One of the things I'm going to ask you to do right now for me is support the show. We're really trying to grow the show. We're trying to reach others. We're trying to advertise. We're trying to get on more channels and more markets.And listen, this show can impact the world, but I really need your help. You can help the show by going to financiallyconfidentchristian.com support. Right there. You can buy me a coffee. Now. Listen, I need.I don't even drink coffee. I drink tea. It's a virtual thing.But with those dollars that come in, my goal is to reach others, to advertise in the new markets, to go out there and win the world for Christ. So if you can support me, I would truly appreciate it. It's simple. It doesn't have to be a lot of money.But help us by going to financiallyconfidentchristian.com/support. Your support means the world to me because you're a partner in this. And remember this, the holidays can drain more than you want.I was laughing as we were preparing for today's show. He said, what drains you during the holidays? Said you're emotional and you're money because you're.But the holidays shouldn't drain you more than your wallet. Mental energy is a real resource, and you got to choose to spend it wisely. Be intentional about it. Set up those boundaries.Because those boundaries protect your joy and your faith. Because remember this, a rested heart gives better gifts than a rushed one. I'm going to encourage you today. Go be a financially confident Christian.Go be rested. Go be calm. Stay financially savvy. God bless you. And you have a great day today.