Joy vs. Happiness: What God Actually Promises

It's been a long day. It's late at night. The house is quiet. The lights are off. It's just you and your phone, just glowing in the dark. Like so many of us. You're scrolling.And you see it again. God just wants you happy. How many times have you seen that one? And you keep scrolling. And then you see this. Live your truth.Sounds pretty good, doesn't it? And all you can do is think to yourself, if it doesn't feel good, walk away, Man. I've done that a few times. How about you? And then you pause.You pause because something inside of you feels unsettled. Right at that moment, something just doesn't seem right to you. So you start to question yourself.If God wants me happy, why does obedience sometimes feel so heavy? Because if God wants me happy, why has it got to be so hard to do? And then you ask yourself this. Why does my faith sometimes feel so exhausting?Because if God wants me happy, shouldn't faith be simple? And shouldn't faith be joyful? Let me share this with you. Earlier this week, I had a long conversation with my youngest son.He looked at me and said, all of a sudden, he said, dad, doesn't God promise happiness if we live in his will? And as soon as he said it, I had to stop what I was doing at this. I don't remember what we were doing. I stopped for a second. I had to think about it.On its surface, I kind of understood what he's saying. But I started thinking, what is he getting at with that question? And that question hit me. And I don't think he was being rebellious.He was being sincere. It was really a thoughtful question.It was that kind of question that a young man asks when he's trying to reconcile faith with the reality going on around him. And if we're honest, I bet you've wondered that, too. I know I sure have. How many times do you pray? You try to honor God.You try to lead your family well. You try to be faithful. And even in all those things, life is complicated. The bills don't disappear. It's like some magic trick.The tension doesn't resolve itself magically. The. The health scare still shakes you. And then somewhere quietly inside, you think, if I'm in God's will, why don't I feel happier?So you ask yourself, is happiness the proof of obedience? Or have we misunderstood the promise? Well, today I'm going to hope to untangle that.And I'm not doing it to remove hope, but I just want to anchor it Correctly. Hey, friend. Ralph Estep Jr. Here. And this is Truth Unveiled with Ralph.And I need you to know something right at the beginning today, I want to be very honest. I'm not speaking to you today as someone who has this all emotionally mastered. I just don't. I'm speaking to you as a husband.I'm speaking to you as a father. And I'm speaking to you as a man who's wrestled with these type of expectations myself, honestly, every single day. And I'm also someone who's prayed.Lord, I'm doing my best here. Why does this still feel so very heavy? And see, this show exists because I care deeply about spiritual clarity. That's why I do it.Because I've seen what happens when we build faith on ideas that God never promised us. When that happens, we get confused, we get disappointed, get quietly disillusioned, and sometimes, dare I say, oftentimes, we drift.So every week on this show, we do one thing. We just slow down for a couple minutes. We open scripture carefully, and we examine assumptions honestly. And we asked this bold question.What did God actually say? Because peace doesn't come from believing what sounds comforting. Peace comes from believing what is actually true. Let me ask you this.What if your frustration with God is really frustration with expectations that he never gave us? Well, let's go deeper. Right now. The truth is, in our world, our culture worships happiness. It doesn't worship joy, just happiness.It treats happiness like a human right. How many times have you heard, do what makes you happy? Hey, if it makes you happy, do it. If it's hard, leave. If it gets hard, just walk away.Look at marriages that are ending every day. If it's hard, I'm just going to pack my stuff and leave. If it hurts, it's wrong. Hey, if something hurts, there's got to be something wrong.It can't be right. Why would God put me into a place of hurt? But let me tell you right now, Scripture never says happiness is the goal.Hope I didn't burst your bubble there, but scripture doesn't say that. What it does say is holiness is the goal. It says obedience is the goal. And it says abiding is the goal. See, we hear this cultural lie all the time.If God is good, life feels good. But that's not what scripture says. Scripture says God is good even when life hurts. And life hurts. Doesn't it? And here's where this gets dangerous.When we assume happiness equals blessing, then hardship, well, that's got to be failure, right? And when hardship comes what's the first thing we do? We start questioning God. God, how could you let this happen? I'm doing the right things.I go to church, I tithe, I pray. I'm living a good life. I'm a good person. Or worse than that, we start redefining obedience.Let me ask you right now, have you ever adjusted your obedience because happiness seemed absent? That's a tough question, isn't it? But that's a dangerous drift. See, when happiness depends on happenings, happenings change, don't they?But joy is something completely different. Joy doesn't collapse when circumstances do. Do you see the difference now?I'm going to get a little deeper into this in a moment, but let's observe something honestly. We live in the most comfort saturated era ever in human existence. There is more convenience around us.There are more options, more entertainment, more comfort. And with all of those things, anxiety is rising to unimaginable levels. Loneliness is rising.I've talked about on the show so many times, restlessness is through the roof. And we've pursued happiness relentlessly and we're still uneasy. Why is that?Well, I'm going to say something rather bold here because happiness is fragile. Happiness depends on alignment. And just think about all the things that have to be aligned for you to be happy. And I'm a finance guy.Alignment of your finances. Hey, I must be doing something wrong if I've not got money in the bank and I'm doing great financially. How about alignment of your health?Well, I must be doing something wrong because God's given me cancer or God's given me diabetes or God's given me some kind of thorn that I just can't get past, or alignment of relationships. This is one of the core things my son was talking to me about.He said, ralph, he said, dad, he said, I want so much to find a girlfriend and I respect. I've been where he is. He's 24 years old, he's a young guy. He's trying to find that person to connect with.And he says, maybe, maybe, dad, I'm just not living in God's will right now. So I'm going to do all the right things. I'll talk about that in a little bit. But maybe we want to try to be in alignment of outcomes.Listen, we're not living right if the outcomes aren't what we expected. We set a list of expectations for God and he's not meeting our expectations. But you know as well as I do, life rarely aligns perfectly.It just doesn't I'm 53 years old. It doesn't align perfectly. If you're older than me, you can speak to that with truth as well. And here's the thing you got to understand.Jesus never promised us a pain free life. He promised us his presence. He promised us eternal security and he promised us transformation.But he didn't promise us uninterrupted emotional sunshine. He never promised us days and days of unicorns and rainbows. He just didn't ever promise us that. So think about this.What if we're disappointed with God because we expected comfort? Getting ready to preach here. What if we're disappointed with God because we expected comfort instead of character formation?Well, let me get back to that conversation with my son. What was he asking me? He asked me about happiness. And I get it. Like I said, he's trying to figure out how to get everything in alignment.He's trying to line up his money and his relationships and his health, all those things all working at the same time. And he's frustrated because things aren't in alignment. And I told him something that I had to learn myself the hard way.God promises us provision, not prosperity. Yes, God promises us his presence, but he never gave us predictability. And God promises us strength, but not always ease. And yes, here's the hope.He does promise us joy, but not necessarily happiness. Well, let me get into scripture because as you know, I always want to anchor this in scripture. So let's slow down here and we'll look at tap.We'll look at the book of John, chapter 15, verses 9 to 11. And what we're really talking about here is joy that abides. And this is not some cute quote. This is Jesus speaking directly on the edge of agony.Think about this for a second. This is the night of the Last Supper. Here he is in the upper room with his disciples. He just went through the thing of washing their feet.He broke the bread. Judas has already set things in motion. The cross is literally hours away from Jesus. And what does he choose to talk about? Love and joy.And love and joy that matters.To be honest with you, I'm not sure I would have been talking about love and joy if I knew I was going to the cross the next day, if I knew the agony that was in front of me. Because I truly believe Jesus knew what that looked like.But I think it's so important to our faith that Jesus is talking about this at this very moment because he was telling us something so much deeper. Because joy is not based on comfort. It's Based on covenant love. Now, I know that's a churchy word, covenant love, but let's get a little deeper.Let's look right at verse nine. It says, as the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. Again, that's John 15:9.And Jesus here is describing the love within the Trinity. And that's the Father's love for the Son being eternal, being perfect, even about what's going to happen, that love being unbreakable.And Jesus says this, he says that same kind of love is now turned towards you. And then he says a brilliant word. He used the word remain. What does remain mean? It means abide. It means stay there, live there.Not some quick visit, not a check in, but live there. Well, how does that apply to today? I'm going to tell you how it applies right now.It's got to remain when you feel discouraged, when you feel like, man, I am doing all the right things, dad, my son talking again, but you're feeling discouraged. What is Christ telling us? Remain.When you've been praying and praying and praying and you feel like your prayers just aren't being answered, what is he telling you to do? Remain. Abide when you don't feel saved every day. And we'll talk about salvation a little later today, but that's when you got to remain.And when life gets confusing and life is confusing, isn't it? What is God telling us to do? Remain. Let me ask you this. Have you been treating God like a place you visit?I know I'm asking this out of love because I'm asking myself the same thing. Have you been treating God like a place that you visit instead of a home that you actually live in? Well, let's get to verse 10. This is John 15:10.If you keep my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have kept my Father's commands and remain in his love. And see, this verse gets misunderstood. A lot of people don't get this one. And honestly, I had to study this.Jesus is not saying, obey and then I'll love you. A lot of people take that the wrong way. A lot of people say, well, he's saying, if I do the right things, oh, I'm going to love you.That's not what he's saying. He's saying, obey because you're loved. You see the difference there? It's Adam. It's a huge difference.And in that culture, disciples followed a rabbi very closely. They literally followed them around. They didn't just learn information, they took on A way of light. We live like the rabbis did.So Jesus is saying this. My love is the atmosphere, and obedience is how you breathe it in. How does that apply to today? Obedience is not a payment that you make.While I'm being obedient, I'm paid my dues. God's gonna bless me. That's not what it is. Obedience is staying close. Dare I say staying close.When it hurts, when you've got that diagnosis, when the finances aren't working right, when the relationships are falling apart, when you forgive, even though you're hurt, you remain. And when you repent, even though pride fights you to do that, you remain.And when you tell the truth, even though it cost you so very much, you remain. Answer this question. Are you obeying God to earn love? Or are you obeying because you already have it? Let's look at verse 11 again. This is John 15:11.I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete. Again, think about this. This is pre cross Jesus. Jesus is about to suffer crucifixion, yet he speaks about joy.I don't know that I would feel the same way, to be honest with you in my flesh. Because see, for Christian, joy is not about optimism. It's that spiritual union. See, joy is the fruit of remaining. It's the overflow of nearness.So how do you apply that to where you are right now? Your life can be really hard and yet your joy can be super real. Yeah. Your emotions can be messy and your soul can still be anchored in truth.Because joy is not pretending. I'm not saying one of those people walks around, oh, I'm so joyful. That's a game. That's an act. Joy is Christ's life within you. Think about this.If Jesus promised joy while walking towards suffering, why do we expect happiness as the proof of discipleship? See, joy is not happiness. Joy is relational happiness. On the other hand, that's circumstantial. Well, let's look at another piece of scripture.This comes from the book of James, chapter one, verses two to four. Now, James is writing to believers who are scattered. Now, these folks weren't scattered on vacation. They weren't out doing that for fun trips.They were scattered because of persecution. They were being killed for their belief in Christ. Do you get that? They'd lost stability.Some had walked away from jobs, some lost their homes, some lost their personal safety. I don't know that I can comprehend that. So when James says trials, he's not talking about A stubbed toe or a bum knee?He's talking about real trials, not at the coffee shop. My coffee order was wrong. Trial. Let's look at verse number two. This is again, James, chapter one, verse two.My brethren speaking to his brothers, count it all joy when you fall into various trials. Now, I like the word account. I'm an accountant. Is good accounting language. It means to evaluate, reckon.Reckon's a good Southern term my grandfather used to use. I've reckoned something. But it's where you decide what category this belongs in. And James is saying, don't let the trial define your reality.Let God define your reality. So how does this apply? Joy is never going to be what you feel first when you're going through a trial. I'm telling you right now, you don't feel joy.Joy is what you choose because you trust God is working even in the midst of your trial. Have you been waiting to feel joy instead of choosing faith? Again, I asked that out of love. Well, let's look at verse three again.James, chapter one, verse three. Knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience.Old Christian pastor used to say to me, ralph, don't ever pray for patience because God will give you a heaping full of it. And what he's really talking about here is testing. In those days was used for metals.They would use it, they would heat the metal to reveal how pure it was. The heat strengthened the good metals. And James says, trials expose your foundation. What they do is they reveal what you trust.Today, dare I say, pressure reveals your true God. What do you really trust? See, if your God is comfort, pressure will destroy you. It will absolutely decimate you.But if your God is Christ, pressure refines you. I know some of you watching or listening right now, you've been through a trial. What did your trial reveal about what you trust the most?Let's go move on to verse number four again. This is James, chapter one, verse four. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing. Wow.It's a huge promise, isn't it? And I changed the word perfect. I really think it means here, mature. So I guess that as I get older, I'm getting closer to perfect.At least that's what I tell everybody. Certainly getting older. I wish it was that simple. But it means something bigger than. I mean, something whole. Not flawless, but formed.Here's how that applies to our lives today. God is not just trying to get you through. I believe he's going to get you through, but he's trying to grow you up.At the same time, he's trying to mature you because he wants stability in your soul, not just relief in your schedule.What if the season you're in right now, the season that you resent bitterly is the season that Christ is building maturity that you're going to need later because he sees something ahead that's going to be even harder than what you're going through right now. Well, let's look at the book of Philippians, chapter 4, verses 11 to 13. Now, again, this is Paul writing. We talk about Paul on the show a lot.Paul writes to Philippians from prison. Now, this isn't some metaphorical prison. This isn't some pretend prison. He was actually behind bars. He was changed. His resources were limited.His freedom was limited. He didn't know what the future looked like. But in that time. Paul talks about contentment.Well, think about that for a second, because it tells you that contentment is not about comfort. Paul was not living in comfort, in a jail cell, chained. But contentment is about Christ. Let's look at verse 11 again.Philippians, chapter 4, verse 11. I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. Let me give you a little historical context here. Philippi was a Roman colony.That's who Paul was writing to honor. Culture was strong. Status mattered. And being in prison, Paul had lost all status. And yet he says this. He says, I've learned contentment here.Wait a minute. What does that tell us? It tells us that contentment is not a personality type. You're not content because this is your personality.Contentment is a spiritual skill, and it's built through surrender. Maybe you've been asking God to change your circumstances when he's trying to change your soul. Let's look at verse number 12 again.This is Philippians 4:12. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. See, Paul lived both ends of this.Paul felt times of hunger and times of being full. He was honored and hated in his life. Well, how does that apply today?If you've ever been in a position of need that can test your faith, trust me, I've been there. I've been very blessed. I haven't lived like that, but many of you have. And when you're in that.That season of need, you're like, oh, God, it can't be a God. How can there be a God? I need something. But let me tell you the other side of that. Having plenty can test your faith, too. Been there, too.Just because you have plenty doesn't mean you're not relying on God. It's real easy to start relying on yourself. That's a whole nother discussion I'm not going to get into now. But see, need tempts you to panic.I need eat. I need food. I need. I need money. I need. I need a job. You start to panic.And at the same time, when you're living in plenty, it tempts you to forget who gave it to you in the first place. It tempts you to forget God. So let me ask you this. And I'm wrestling with this question right as I say this. Which season tests you more?Is it that season of lack of or is that season of abundance? Think about that a little bit. Let's move on to verse 13, my favorite verse of the Bible, I think, and it's this, Philippians 4:13.I can do all this through him who gives me strength. Love this verse. When I'm having a rough day, man, I go to this one. I can do all things through him who gives me strength.And Paul is talking about endurance here. He's talking about resilience. He's talking about faithfulness under pressure. Now, again, in our modern world, this verse gets kind of corrupted.It's not a verse that says, I can achieve anything. Well, if Christ is for me, I can achieve whatever I want. I can be a professional football player. I can hit the lottery.I can be President of the United States. But that's not what it's saying here. The verse is saying, I can remain faithful in any condition.And I think this is what gets us in trouble, because I think so many of us have tied our peace to a specific outcome. My son is tied to a specific outcome. He wants a girlfriend. And he thinks, well, if I go to church, I start doing the right thing. I tithe, I pray.But what if we're tying it to a specific outcome instead of Christ himself? That's the anchor, isn't it? Well, let's look at the book of Habakkuk. This is chapter three, verses 17 to 19. Now, this is Old Testament.I don't talk about Old Testament much, but I want to lean into this because this is an Old Testament prophet watching the collapse here. Judah's corrupt judgment's coming, the future's uncertainty. And Habakkuk argues with God. He argues with God. He questions God, he wrestles with God.And during all of that, he lands in trust. And his final song is an absolute masterpiece. Let's look at verse 17 again. This is Habakkuk chapter 3, verse 17.Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines. Now picture this. This is an agricultural economy. If there's no crops, guess what? There's no money. If there's no money, there's no food.And if there's no money in food, there's no stability. This isn't a time of inconvenience. This is survival. Let's fast forward today. This is that job loss moment. I just lost my job.How am I going to support my family? How am I going to pay the mortgage? How am I going to pay that car loan? Are those credit card bills? How am I going to pay them?This is that diagnosis moment. This is that moment when the doctor comes in and says, I've got bad news for you. It looks like whatever that is.I remember when my mom got that moment that changes your life. This is that family crisis moment. I don't know what that looks like for you. Maybe it's when your wife says to you, I can't do this anymore.Or your son, your daughter has made a decision that's put them in a bad spot. This is that I don't know what to do next moment. And you start asking yourself, what do you do when your normal sources of security collapse?That's the moment I'm talking about here. Let's look at verse 18. Habakkuk 3:18. Yet I will rejoice in the Lord. I will be joyful in God, my Savior.In face of the crisis, in face of the diagnosis, in face of all those things, the word yet is faith, yet means listen. I don't deny the reality, but I refuse to despair in it. What that means for us today is, yes, I trust him even when I don't see it.Lord, I don't see you right now. That doctor just told me I've got cancer, man. I don't see it. But I trust in you. It's that feeling. I'm going to praise you even when I'm tired.I am tired to the bone, Lord. And it's that decision that I'm going to obey you. Even when I'm hurting inside. Can you say yet?Before the breakthrough arrives, let's look at verse 19 again. Habakkuk 3:19. The sovereign Lord is my strength. And this is so critical that we understand this. He's not claiming self strength.He didn't say that I'm doing this on my own. He didn't say I can do all things through myself. That gives me power. That's not what he said, he is claiming God's strength.Joy is not powering you through. You're not doing this yourself.Joy is God picking you up and carrying you through that diagnosis, carrying you through that job loss, carrying you through that financial turmoil, that family turmoil. And I know we covered a lot of scripture today, but I needed to build that foundation before we get into the main teaching.And let's get to the main teaching, because I want to bring this all, all the way together. This is not some concept, but this is a foundation for your life. I never expected when my son asked me that question, this is where we'd end up.But this is where people get stuck. Yeah, you love Jesus, but you still believe maybe in the depths of your soul that God owes you happiness.And when you don't get it, that's when happiness disappears. Because they assume God disappeared as well. Because you've been interpreting your emotions as a report card of God's love. That's what my son's doing.Remember when my kids were young, they used to bring home their report cards. And if they weren't proud about a man, I knew they were hiding that puppy from me. But so many of us do that with our faith.We said, God's got a scorecard. I must not be scorned. Well, because he's not giving me what I want. So let me get back to the question my son asked me.We got to define happiness and joy, and let's define the differences clearly. Like I said earlier, happiness is a response to happenings. What's happening in your life? Hey, I had a good day. I'm happy.Oh, I got a great text today. Somebody talked about how much they appreciated me. Oh, I got a paycheck. And I got overtime on that paycheck, and I got a bonus.Maybe you've had a real peaceful week. You solved the problem. See, happiness says things are going my way. Since they're going my way, it's okay to be happy. A joy is different.Joy is not a reaction. Joy is a rootedness. Big word. Joy says this. Even if nothing goes my way, God is still good. See, joy is based on Jesus. It's not based on your schedule.It's not based on your savings. It's not based on how your marriage mood's gone that week. It's not based on your health report.It's not based on your child's choices, and it's not based on your boss's attitude. It's anchored in Jesus Christ. Because if your joy can be stolen by a Circumstance. Was it joy? Or was it just comfort? Little happiness.Here's another way to say it. This is what I finally had to lean into with my son. Happiness rises and falls. Kind of like the weather. One day it's cold, one day it's hot.I'm here in Delaware. We just had a bunch of Snow. Was in 4, 5, 6 degrees for about two weeks. Today it's supposed to be 50 degrees. It changes. Happiness changes.When you get a phone call, maybe you get a bill in the mail or one comment. I get comments on my pages all the time. And if I lived in that world a few days, you'd see what comments can do to you. Trust me, I get it.One bad night of sleep can change it. That's what happiness looks like. But joy is deeper. Joy's like roots of a tree. The roots of a tree don't care about a windy day.And when the storm hits, those roots just hold that tree exactly where it is. See, Joy roots you and it stabilizes you. Not because life is stable. Life is not stable. I don't think I surprised you by saying that.But joy grounds you because God is faithful. What are you anchored in right now? Well, now let's talk about something that's tough. Let's talk about what we often demand.See, because happiness demands comfort. It demands ease in our lives. It demands control. It says, God, I'll obey. Hey, as long as you make it pleasant for me. Have you ever said that?I've said it. Have you ever felt that? I felt it. But see, joy trusts God's character. Joy says, God, I'll obey even if it costs me.Because joy believes something foundational. Joy believes God is not cruel. Joy believes God is not careless. Joy believes God is not confused. It believes God is wise. It believes God is good.And it believes God is near. And it believes that God is working even when I can't see it.Let me ask you, do you trust God's heart even when you don't understand where his hand is right now? Let me say something pastoral here. Some of you right now are mad at God. You won't say it out loud, but you feel it, don't you?Because you did all the right things. You prayed incessantly. You prayed in the morning, you prayed at lunch. And you prayed at night. And you served. You served in church. You gave. And you.You did all those things to stay faithful. And life still didn't go the way you thought it should. Friend, let me tell you something right now. God can handle your honesty in that.But he doesn't want you stuck in a false expectation either. Because those false expectations create real bitterness in your life. And that bitterness is what will drain your faith.So I just want to say this gently. God's primary goal is not your emotional comfort. I'm sorry if that burst your bubble. I had to say that to my son.God's goal is not your emotional comfort, son. It's not his goal. His goal for you is spiritual maturity. Now, that could be seen as being cold. That's not cold. That's love.Because maturity is what protects you for the long run. Maturity is what keeps you steady. Maturity is what keeps you faithful when feelings fluctuate. And it's that maturity that produces joy.Not always easy, but deep stability. What if God is more committed to forming Christ in you than fixing every discomfort around you? Well, now, let's clarify a little bit.A lot of people get hung up here. Joy is not denial. Joy's not pretending that everything is all right. Joy's not posting a verse while your soul is collapsing, friend. Joy can cry. Yes.Joy can grieve. Joy can sit in silence. Joy can say, this hurts. Joy can say, I'm tired. Joy can say, I don't understand this, Lord. But Joy also says this.In all of those things, God is still here. See, Joy is anchored in confidence that God is near, even here, even now. That's what the word Emmanuel means.Emmanuel means God with us, not God with us on the good days, God with us in the valley, God was in that waiting room. God with us when that bank account is tight. God with us when your kid is struggling.And God with us when you're trying to be strong and you just feel weak inside. What if your hardest season is the very place God is teaching you his closest nearness? Well, now, let's make this painfully practical.When you chase happiness as the goal, you're always going to be negotiating with God. Lord, I'll obey if you do this. Oh, I'll forgive that person if you do this. Oh, I'll trust, Lord, if you do this. That's negotiations.But when joy becomes the anchor, there is no more negotiation. It's ultimately surrender. And you start saying things like, lord, your will. Lord, I trust you, Lord, I'll remain no matter what.And something happens when you surrender like that. The storm might not stop right away. You might still be in that cancer diagnosis. You may still be in chemotherapy and radiation.You might be fighting for your very physical life. But something happens. Your stall stops spiraling. And, yeah, the circumstances might not change, but your stability is going to grow.Because joy is not about what happens. Joy is about who holds you through it. And joy is about who's holding you right now. Let me ask you this.Can you trust that God is near even if you don't feel happy today? And sure, listen, happiness is a gift sometimes. I'm not saying don't be happy, but is a terrible God. See, joy is so much deeper than that.Joy is steadier than that. Joy is the fruit of abiding, that fruit of remaining. Joy is the strength of the believer. And joy is available even here, even now.Now you're probably asking, Ralph, great. How does this joy actually work in my life? Because this can't just be about theology. It has to work on Tuesday afternoon.It's got to work in that hospital waiting room. It has to work when that email comes in. It's got to work when you're tired. So let's talk about how joy is actually built. Not in theory, in real life.First thing you've got to do, you gotta be honest about reality. Joy is not some pretend game. Joy's not smiling through physical pain or emotional pain. Joy is not some spiritual performance.If something is hurting you, say it hurts. Lord, this hurts. If you're disappointed, say you're disappointed, Lord, I'm disappointed. If you're confused, say you're confused.Lord, I don't understand this. God's not intimidated by your honesty. In fact, the Book of Psalms are brutally honest. David says things like, how long, O Lord?That's not some fake faith. That's honest faith. Because you can't anchor your soul if you refuse to admit the storm in front of you.How many times have you been trying to be strong instead of being honest with God? Here's the second thing you've got to do. This is what I really lean into with my son. You've got to examine your expectations.See, this is where most of the pain hides. Ask yourself this, and these are not easy questions. Did God promise this outcome or did I just assume it? I just assumed God would do this.Did he promise that? No. Did God promise this relationship would always feel easy?In your marriages, in your relationships, did God ever promise you that it's always going to feel easy? No, he didn't. If you're a business owner, did God promise this business was always going to grow smoothly?If I go to church on Sunday, my business must do well, right? He didn't promise that. Did God promise this season would be comfortable? No. Or did he? Or did you did. I write a script in quiet.And I don't understand why God's not following my script. I write scripts for a living. I've drafted many of these scripts for God. Unexamined expectations create unnecessary disappointment.He never thought about this. This is not God's will for your life. It's your will for your life. And that's fine.But when you discover God never promised that outcome, because a lot of things that we think that God promised us, that was never promised to us. God promises provision. God promises to meet our needs, but he doesn't say he's going to meet our wants. That's a tough one.But when you discover that, your frustration begins to soften because you realize something. He hasn't broken a promise. Let me ask you right now. What expectations are you holding that God never actually gave you? Here's a third thing.You've got to anchor your mind in truth. This isn't done on Sunday. This isn't done when you feel like it. This is done daily. Because your mind is going to drift.Your emotions are going to drift, your fears are going to drift. And if you don't intentionally anchor your thoughts in scripture, your thoughts are going to anchor you in fear. That's just a human thing.Because you've got to understand this very important fact. Joy grows where truth is repeated, not where it's. Visit occasionally. Open the word. Don't open a word for information. Open God's word for stability.Read it slowly, read it prayerfully. Remind your soul who God really is. Because feelings are loud. They're all around us. But truth is steady.Let me ask you, what voice has been louder lately in your world? Your fear or God's word? Here's the fourth thing. You act in obedience even when you don't feel inspired. You're not always going to feel inspired.And this is critical. Joy is not the reward of feelings. Joy is the fruit of faithfulness. You see the difference?See, when you pray, even when you don't feel like praying, that's joy. When you forgive, even though you don't feel like forgiving, that's joy. Maybe the person didn't deserve forgiveness, but you, you do it anyway.And when you show up when you'd rather just withdraw, I don't need this anymore. I'm just going to walk away. Joy is showing up when you'd rather not be there. It's when you give thanks, when gratitude feels thin.And it's not because you feel strong, but that obedience keeps you near. And that nearness is what Produces joy. Sometimes joy comes after obedience, not before it. I asked my son this question.Son, are you waiting to feel better before you obey? Here's the fifth thing. You gotta practice gratitude intentionally. Not some fake gratitude. I'm talking about specific gratitude.Not everything is great, but I still have breath gratitude. I still have today gratitude. God has not left me gratitude. Gratitude shifts your focus from what's missing to. To what remains.And what remains is usually more than you think. Sixth thing, you got to start prioritizing presence over preference. Stop negotiating with God. You got to stop saying if I'll trust you if God.Remove that from your vocabulary and instead say, I trust you regardless. See, presence with God becomes so much more important than outcome. That nearness becomes more valuable than ease.And you start to care more about walking with him than getting your way. And that shift, and not everybody gets to that point. That's real true spiritual maturity. I don't expect that from my 24 year old son, to be honest.But that shift changes everything. Because joy comes not from controlling the future. It comes from the one who already holds your future. What matters more to you right now?God's presence in your life? Or that scripted outcome, your preferred outcome? See, that's how joy is built. It's not going to happen overnight.It's not going to be in some single prayer. It's in daily obedience, daily honesty, daily clarity, daily truth, daily gratitude, daily nearness.This isn't something that's flashy, but it sure is steady. And steady is powerful because happiness flickers. It's like a light goes on and off all day long. But steady joy holds. Even here and even now.Well, let's make this real. I want to move beyond theory. Not some fancy inspiration, but practice.Because if this doesn't work in your house, if it doesn't work in your office, in your church, if it's not anchored yet. So here's what it looks like for you this week. Here's what I want you to do. First thing I want you to do is write down one disappointment.Just think right now, what is one disappointment you have in your life? Be very specific, not some vague, oh, I wish I had more X, not something general. I want you to name it. Maybe for you it's financial.I want X number of dollars in the bank account. I want this much in my retirement. I want to own a home. Whatever that looks like for you. Maybe for you it's relational. My son, this is his.I want a girlfriend. I want a wife. I want a family name. It maybe it's physical. I felt this so much over my weight loss journey. I saw a future for myself.I wanted to be a certain weight. Maybe it's spiritual, but whatever that is, write it down, put it to paper, and then ask yourself this question.Did God promise this outcome or did I just assume it? That's a tough question. Because, see, sometimes the pain is not broken faith, it's broken expectation.You are expecting something that God never promised you. And when you see that, that can bring clarity. Let's talk about how that works at home.Joy is tested most where you're most familiar in your marriage, those parenting relationships, those family tension. I say all the time, if we didn't have family, we wouldn't have any fatigue in our life. We wouldn't have any tension in our life.And those unmet expectations at home, it might be something like this. Instead of saying, you never, how many times have you caught yourself saying you never? Just pause right now.See, this is where the rubber meets the road. And choose gentleness instead of withdrawing from your wife when you have that misunderstanding, choose conversation.Instead of snapping because you're tired, take a moment and choose patience. See, I think joy at home often looks like restraint.It looks like choosing kindness when you don't feel looks like showing up even when you're emotionally drained. So have a conversation this week, maybe at the dinner table in the living room, and ask this, ask this, your family, what do we think happiness is?What do we think joy is? Let your kids answer that and listen carefully.And then I want to encourage you gently bring some scripture into that and define joy biblically before culture defines happiness, emotion, because that's what we're fighting against. Ask yourself, are you modeling joy at home, or are you modeling mood? Because so many of us are modeling mood.And this question matters because your family is watching how you handle disappointment. Let's talk about work. All of us work, most of us work. Work is where expectations collide.You want that promotion, you want that recognition, you want that stability, you want that control. So maybe your disappointment is tied to your job. Maybe you thought you'd be further by now. My friends all around me, they're further than I am.Ralph, maybe you're a small business person. You thought that deal was going to close. God, why didn't this deal close? Thought that client was going to stay, but you lost a big client.So what does joy look like at work? It looks like integrity when no one is applauding what you're doing. It looks like diligence, even when you Feel overlooked?Have you felt overlooked at work? It looks like serving faithfully, even when you feel unnoticed. Nobody sees me. It looks like not allowing that bad meeting to steal your peace.See, joy at work says, my identity is not my permission, my position. It's not my title. My security is not my paycheck. Christ is my anchor. And that doesn't mean you stop striving. I'm a capitalist.I think you should keep striving, but it means you stop spiraling when things don't go the way you think they should go. Has your workplace become the primary source of your happiness? I'm going to tell you something right now.Eventually, that's going to disappoint you because it's not always going to work out the way you wanted it. But if Christ is your source, work becomes a place of faithfulness, not some emotional survival. Now, let's talk about church. Yes, church.Because even there, we can chase happiness. I was at church this past Sunday. I saw a lot of people chasing happiness. We. We want worship that moves us. We want preaching that inspires us.We want music that makes us get up and dance and shout and carry on. And that's all good things. We want a community that affirms us. Hey, I saw Ralph at church. I feel good now.And when church doesn't feel good, we drift. Candidly, I hadn't been to church in months, but I felt so good being there because I was there for the right reason.See, joy at church looks different. It looks like joy even when that song isn't your favorite. Man, I really don't like those old hymns. They're singing those old hymns again this week.I don't like those. I like the newing music. I write music. I write Christian music. If you didn't know that, you can check it out.We release a song every week, right on our YouTube channel. I encourage you. It's scripturally based. Check it out. But it looks like worship even when the song isn't your favorite.It looks like serving at church. Even when you're tired, you had a long week. It looks like forgiving that person. Even when someone hurts you.It looks like Stan planned instead of church hopping, every time you feel a little discomfort, I'm going to say something bold. And I say this out of love. Church is not entertainment. It's not some performance that you're there to take it in a Broadway show. It's formation.And guess what? Formation requires friction sometimes. Let me ask you this. Are you attending church for emotional stimulation or for spiritual Transformation.Because joy is built through commitment. We talked about that rootedness through staying, not chasing the next emotional high.Let me give you something very practical that you can do every morning this week. Before you check your phone, before you check the news, just pray this say, lord, anchor me in joy today.And then name three specific things you're grateful for. I'm not talking about some generic, oh, I'm grateful because there's air, there's no specific things.And then choose one act of obedience you've been avoiding. Maybe you got to make that phone call, have that conversation you've been dreading. Maybe, like me, you got to apologize to somebody.Maybe somebody's apologized to you, you got to forgive them. And maybe, just maybe, you just got to open up the word of God and let it talk to you.Because that joy grows in the soil of obedience, not in the soil of comfort. So here's a challenge for you. When something frustrating happens this week, guess what? It's going to happen.Something is going to frustrate you this week. It might frustrate you in five minutes. Here's my challenge to you.Instead of reacting immediately, I just want you to pause for a second and ask, is my happiness being threatened or is my joy being tested? And then choose your response intentionally. Because, friend, joy is not automatic. It's cultivated over time. It's chosen, it's anchored.But friend, that's how joy becomes real. Not some emotional hype, not denial, but steady faithfulness at home, at work, at church. And you've heard this a couple times, even here, even now.Well, let me speak to you personally right now, very personally, because everything we talked about comes back to this. Maybe you've been chasing happiness. Now, you're not consciously rejecting God.You're not shaking your fist at heaven, just quietly building your life around comfort, around the control, around those outcomes. And maybe it just hasn't worked. Maybe you've achieved things. Sure, maybe you've built things, beautiful things. Maybe you've accomplished things.And still within you, there's this instability inside. Because happiness cannot anchor your soul. Only Christ can do that. Joy is not some technique. It's not a mindset. It's not positive thinking.Joy is a person, and his name is Jesus. Because here's the truth. You can't experience the joy of Christ without belonging to Christ.You can't remain in him if you've never surrendered to him in the first place. And surrender is not weakness. It's alignment. It's coming home. It's saying, lord, I've been Trying to manage this alone.I've been trying to control outcomes that. Been trying to define good and bad to be my comfort. But right now, I need you.And maybe you grew up around church, maybe you know the Bible verses better than me, maybe you've attended service three times a week, but you've never fully yielded your life. And I'm not talking about partially yielded, not occasionally. I'm talking about fully. Friend, Jesus did not die to improve your happiness.He died to rescue your soul. He lived perfectly. He died sacrificially. And he rose victoriously so that you and me could be reconciled to God.Not just inspired, not improved, reconciled. And when you belong to him, joy becomes possible. But hear me, it's not because life becomes easy, but because you're no longer alone.And if you want to surrender your life to him right now, not later, not when life stabilizes, I'm talking about right now. I want you to pray this with me slowly from your heart. It's real simple. Lord Jesus, I surrender my life to you.I've chased happiness without fully trusting you, Lord. And I confess my sin right now. In this moment. I confess my self reliance. Lord, forgive me. Be my Savior. Be my Lord.Anchor my life in you and teach me to remain in you. Fill me with your joy. Because I trust you, Lord. Amen. And if you've prayed that, friend, he's heard you.And not because your words were perfect, but because your heart was honest. See, scripture says everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved. You're not alone. You're not drifting now. Anchored.And joy I'm talking about real joy can begin growing from right here at this moment. So, friend, again, if you've prayed that, I want you to hear me clearly. Heaven is not quiet right now.Jesus said there is joy in heaven when one sinner repents. That means your decision is not small. It's not just some moment. What you just did is a miracle. You didn't just join a religion.You came home, all your sins were forgiven and you've been adopted. You are made new. And I'm celebrating right with you. So let me give you a few simple steps. Simple, practical, not overwhelming.Because the enemy loves to steal joy with confusion. So here's what I want you to do. If you prayed that prayer today, tell somebody. Not everybody, just someone. Tell a trusted believer.Maybe meet with a pastor, a friend who follows Jesus and say the sentence, hey, I surrender my life to Jesus today. There's power in confession. It seals that moment and it brings you into the light. Who's one person you can tell today?Second thing I want to encourage you to do is get in the Word. Not to prove anything, you don't need to earn anything. You've already got it. But to get in the Word to learn your new life.I really think, starting with the Gospel of John, read a little each day. Just read it slow and prayerfully and ask Jesus, show me who you are. And then read Psalms when your emotions get heavy.Read James when you need strength. And as we talked about with Paul, read Philippians when you need steady joy.Third thing I'm going to encourage you to do is pray like you're talking to a father. Because you are. Keep it simple. Just say things like, lord, lead me today. Lord, change me. Lord, give me strength.Remember, prayer is not performance, it's a relationship. And I want to encourage you. Get connected to a local church, not just some online thing.I think it's great you come and join me every week, but get involved in a real life church. You need community, you need pastors, you need people who walk with you. Because following Jesus was never meant to be done alone.The Christian life is not some solo hike. It's a family journey. And then I want you to take one obedience step. Just one, not ten of them. One thing. If you need to apologize to somebody, do it.If you need to forgive, begin forgiving. If you need to remove something from your life that keeps pulling you away from Jesus, remove it.Know that obedience doesn't save you, but that obedience will strengthen you and it protects your joy. And if you haven't been baptized, make that a goal. Baptism doesn't save you.A lot of people, different religions, argue about that, but it is a public declaration. I belong to Jesus. It's a line in the sand, and it's a beautiful beginning.And friend, some of you listening didn't pray that prayer the first time you prayed it as a return. You're coming home, a recommitment. Because you realize today. Yeah, Ralph, I have drifted. And if that's you, there's no shame here.There's just celebration. Think of the father in Luke 15, the prodigal son. He didn't scold the prodigal. He ran to him, he embraced him, he restored him, and he threw a feast.That's God's heart towards you right now. So take that next step back to come back. Stay close, remain and truly let joy grow again. How about we pray together? Father, today we come.Honestly, some of us are tired. Some of us are disappointed. Some of us quietly believe that obedience would feel easier than this.So, Lord, forgive us for measuring your faithfulness by our emotional comfort. Forgive us for expecting happiness when you promise something deeper. Lord, anchor our hearts in Christ.Teach us to remain when feelings fluctuate, when circumstances shift, when outcomes disappoint. Help us to stay rooted. Grow mature in us, Lord. Grow endurance in us. Go trust in us, Lord.Form Christ within us, not just on the good days, but on the hard ones too. Give us joy that survives bad news. Give us joy that steadies those anxious thoughts. And give us joy outlast those temporary storms of our lives.And Lord, remember, help us remind us that you are near, even here, even now. We trust you, Lord. We ask this in the precious name of Jesus. Amen. Friend, let me leave you with this.Happiness is a gift, and I wish you happiness, but it's not a guarantee. Joy is deeper, joy is steadier. And joy is rooted in a person. And if you continue to chase happiness, you're always going to be negotiating with God.But if you remain in Christ, I promise you, you will discover something stronger. You're going to discover stability in unstable seasons. You're going to discover peace in unpredictable moments.And you're going to discover strength in that you didn't even know you had. Because joy is not about what's happening around you. Joy is about who's holding you through it. And he's holding you right now.Even when today is hard, even if this season feels heavy, even if you don't feel emotionally bright, God's not left you. He's not forgotten about you. He's not broken a promise. He promised his presence. And in his presence there is joy. Not always ease, but always enough.And if this message met you today, I want you to come and join us at truth unveiled with Ralph.com join I'd love to give you a free gift. It's called our Family Digital Wisdom Guide. And let's work together to build families anchored in truth.Let's raise homes, understand joy, and let's walk this together. Because here's the truth that will carry you. God does not promise constant happiness, but he does promise Himself. And he's better.I'm praying for you, friend. I love you. Remain in Him. Stay anchored and let his joy carry you through. Have a great day.Thank you for joining me, and I hope to see you again next week.