The Self-Help Trap: Why Hustle Can’t Heal You

Are you looking for something real today? Stop and look around for a minute. We're a culture that is absolutely worn out. It's true. I know that's strong, but think about it.Right now, nearly 1 in 3 adults in America reports feeling lonely every single week. It's a loneliness epidemic if you think about it. And here's the most heartbreaking part.Over half of young adults said they felt little or no purpose or meaning in their lives recently. But yet we're still constantly pushing ourselves or working harder.We're chasing that next program, trying to force ourselves to become a better person. But where's it taken us? Truth is, we're obsessed with getting better. Just think of all those self help gurus. They're everywhere these days.Everyone is a personal life coach. I don't know what a personal life coach is anyway.Their programs, their books, their promises, all the money we've spent, now that's a topic for a whole nother show. So I digress. But after all that work, all that endless grinding, tell me honestly, are you actually happy? Really? Are you actually happy?Do you feel that deep, lasting peace? Do you feel at peace? I tell you what, I bet the honest answer for you is a quiet but painful no.And if we're being honest, sure, we've met your goals. You've built good habits, maybe even great habits for that matter.But you still feel this hollow spot, this hidden worry that whispers I'm still not good enough. Why is that? That's a tough question, isn't it? Because we bought into this bold faced lies of the self help world.And I'm going to expose those lies on today's show. The real truth today. God's simple plan for your personal growth. That's what I'm going to cover on today's show.

Feeling lost in today's headlines, seeking God's truth for our chaotic culture. Welcome to Truth Unveiled with Ralph. We'll cut through the noise guiding you to biblical discernment for your faith, your finances and your life.Now here's Ralph Estepp Jr.

Welcome back to Truth Unveiled with Ralph.This is the show dedicated to helping you live in God's word and battle against that constant noise of culture so that you can grow stronger in your Christian faith and find a life of lasting freedom and a life of purpose. And I'm Ralph and I'm so glad you tuned in with me today. And this message today is for anyone who's searching for something real in life.I started off with that. So thank you for joining me today. I Truly appreciate your time. I appreciate that you join me every week.But deeper than that, I appreciate the trust that you place in me as we explore the noise of culture and listen. The noise of culture is all around us. And each week I want to compare that to the timeless truth of God's word.That's the whole purpose for this show each week, to take a hard look at current culture and compare it to the timeless truth of God's word. And when I think about it, that self help road, I've been on that same road myself.And for years I tried to grow my life and my faith using my own strength. I thought I could just muscle through. I've been thinking about the Bible for decades.And as I applied that to this particular situation, I learned something really valuable. The only way to lasting peace is to shifting from depending on myself and depending on the Holy Spirit.And that's the honest truth unveiled here today. It's not found in me, but only in the work of the Holy Spirit. I think of a man who jumped from one course to another.You may be that person right here, thinking the next system would finally quiet his worries. Does that sound familiar to you? Think about it. How many things do you have to achieve before you finally feel okay?How many checklists do you have to go through? How many self help programs? And he finally realized he could never make himself whole. And he came to the stark reality that only God could do that.Which leads me to today's listener question. I received this message and I'm going to tell you right now. When I got this message, it broke my heart because it was so brutally honest.And listen, it sounds exactly what many of you are thinking. It was what I've thought many times. And this is what the listener said. Ralph, I'm doing everything the world tells me to do to become better.I get up early, I set big goals, I even started meditating. I feel like I'm a good person, Ralph. But I still feel empty. And honestly, I'm exhausted. I'm worn out. I. It's like I'm running a race that never ends.What am I missing? How do I stop feeling like a failure? See, that hits you at its core, doesn't it? It's that feeling of constantly running on a treadmill.I like to exercise. I actually got on the treadmill this morning. But you just continue to keep moving, but you're not getting anywhere. That deep tiredness.I want to say something rather brash right now. That's the result of believing the world's lie. About growth. And it's truly heartbreaking, isn't it? Well, let's look at this.At the heart of this struggle, it starts with it. The world's lie, cultures lie says this to us. It says growth comes from relentless hard work. Just put your head to the grindstone.Just keep pushing through. Keep that hustle going. But let me ask yourself this. Can you really work hard enough to find peace? I don't know. I haven't found it yet.Working hard, but that's really what the world's telling us. It comes from relentless hard work. But man, I'm not finding at peace. What does God's truth tell us?True, lasting, peaceful growth comes from simply giving up control. Wait a minute. That's countercultural, isn't it? And being changed through Christ himself. Doesn't that sound like real rest?So this episode is about stopping that painful cultural sprint that running on a treadmill, finding the power of just staying close to God. Let's do that on this show together today. And I found this quote that really frames today's discussion.It's from a spiritual leader named Aw Tozer Man. He nails it. He said spiritual growth is not about doing more for God, but allowing God to do more in you. And I just want to park there for a second.Spiritual growth actually growing spiritually. It's not about doing more for God, but allowing God to do more in you or in me. Let's just park on that word allowing for a second.And I want to get into scripture to talk about allowing. Let's get right into what the Bible says. Our first Bible verse today comes from the book of Philippians, chapter 1, verse 6.He who began a good work and you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus allowing begin a good work in you, carrying it on to completion. Isn't that the definition of a dependable partner? See, we partner with ourselves. We think we can do it on our own, but we can't.But if we go back to scripture, this is Paul writing this. He will begin a good work and you will carry it on to its completion. Let's look at our second Bible verse today.This one comes to us from the book of Romans, chapter 12, verse 2. I've said it on the show many times. Romans is my favorite book of the Bible. I just really love how it encapsulates things.Maybe just the way it says it. But again, this is Romans 12. 2. Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.Think about today's discussion. And ask yourself this. Do you really want to keep thinking the same worried thoughts? Do you want to keep living in fear?Do you want to keep thinking, oh, I just. I just work harder, Ralph. I can find peace. For me, it's been so elusive. It's not working. But what is the scripture telling us?Don't conform to the pattern of this world. A strong thing to say. But don't let culture dictate how you think. Because what it's doing, is it keeping you stuck in these worried thoughts. Worry.What is the Bible telling us? Be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Renewal. I like that word. But where's that coming from? Let's get to our next Bible verse.This comes to us from the book of John, the most poetic verse or the most poetic book of the bible. John, chapter 15, verse 5. I am the vine, you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit.Well, it looks like we know where the transformation comes from, don't we? Think about a tree right now, the core tree. It's a strength. It's the center of strength.Is there any power greater than the source of that strength in life? Greater than God? He's divine. We're the branches. If you remain in me, you notice he didn't say that I remain in you.His, he said, you remain in me, you will bear much fruit. When you put Christ at the center, he becomes the way you get renewed. He's your source of life. See, this is God's plan.It's a plan that promises real change, not some quick fixes. See, a lot of people think, oh well, these self help gurus, it's going to be a quick fix. Like human flesh is like this.We think there's an easy solution. I was talking to somebody earlier today. We had a very frank discussion about a particular topic.The topic's irrelevant, but people always gravitate to the easy solution. Oh, I can go watch this course, send you 99.95 and man, I'm going to be peaceful, conquer all these problems in my life.Oh sure, where do I send the money or. Listen, you just do this one thing and it has all the answers. Well, let me dispel the myth right now. There is no quick fix.Well, let's get into the lies because I really want to lay into the lies of the self help habits today. The first lies. This. And you've heard this one time and time again. I've heard it all through my life.You are the master of Your destiny, it all depends on you. And how many times have you heard that one? It's all up to you. You can do it, Ralph. You don't need anybody's help. You have to work harder.And this is what culture tells us. Culture tells us that you can be your own hero. You can be your own Superman. It says you're the master of your destiny.Well, I don't know about you, but how long can you live on stress and adrenaline? Because, man, I don't have superpowers and I've tried. Did not end well for me. How about you? I'm the master of my own destiny, man. I am struggling.But what does the Bible say? Look at that verse today. The truth is, you are a branch. See, a branch doesn't struggle because it stays connected to the vine.If you try to separate a branch from the tree, what happens to it? The branch dies. But so long as that branch is connected to the tree, to the vine, guess what it does? It thrives.And say our growth begins when we say, God, I give you my worry and my desire to control things. See, that's where it starts. Surrender. Doesn't letting go of that control feel like a heavy load finally leaving your shoulders?If you've been carrying this yourself, saying, I can do this myself, listen, let it go. Give your worry to him. That's the first lie. Here's the second lie. I hear this one constantly. Well, Ralph, just fake it till you make it.Change that behavior first and everything will just click. I hear that on so many self help guru nonsensical nonsense. See, culture tells us the self help industry treats fixing your life like a deal.Let's Make a deal. Probably dated myself in that show. But there used to be a show on TV called Let's Make a Deal. And basically it's saying this.If I do this, I get that transactional. It's all about managing your outward appearance.If I fake it till I make it, then it just all of a sudden from the outward in, it's going to work itself. So let me ask you, are you trying to change your outward appearance or change who you are on the inside? See, there's the problem right there.The outside isn't the problem. It's the core issue is on the inside. Think about this. We talked about a tree a little while ago.How can you simply change the bark on the outside a tree but completely ignore the trunk and the roots? It doesn't work like that. Again, I speak from experience. I've tried. Was a miserable failure. I Put on this macho exterior. Like I can get through this.I can power through, I can fake it till I make it. How about you? But what does biblical truth say? What did it say? Renewing. God wants to make you new. He wants to change your character at its core.He doesn't want some fake improvements. He wants real transformation. Not something window dressing on the outside. I hear it say putting lipstick on a pig, right?Not saying we're pigs, but kind of like that, isn't it? It's all window dressing. It's all the exterior nonsense. And isn't the promise of completely a new mind better than just having a better schedule?See a lot of self help goobers. Well, I'll give you a better schedule. I show you how to get up early, get more done. But that's not renewing anything.You're just faking it till you make it. Which leads me to this lie. The third lie. Success is a sprint. Go hard or go home. How many times have you heard that? Go big or go home.Go hard or go home. It's a sprint. Just brace as hard as you can and see. This is where social media. I know you think I'm getting on social media again.Well, you're right, I am. Because social media shows instant success. I mean, you clip the next video, success, success. And we think growing should be just as fast.My main job, I work with people with their finances and they expect to come and meet with me. Well, Ralph, you're gonna fix it all today, right? Tomorrow my finances are gonna be in great shape. Did you wreck them overnight? I don't think so.And so often. How many times have you felt like you failed because you didn't change overnight? I'm on a diet and exercise routine.Let's share that with you right now. When I started this, I'm gonna tell you how long ago I started. Ten years ago, I was 430 pounds. I get on the scale this morning, I'm 250 pounds.That's a lot of weight. But guess what? It didn't happen overnight.But it's easy for me to look at social media or look and say, well, I didn't lose all that weight overnight. I must be a failure. That's the problem. We buy into this lie that it's a sprint. Real change takes time. There's no instant success to this.So stop beating yourself up. If you feel like you've got to find perfection today, you're never going to get to that. What does the Bible really tell us?Biblical truth tells us that growth takes time. I love what somebody said. They said the pruning seasons are painful, but they're needed for future fruit.My grandfather used to grow tomatoes in his garden. And we would walk out into his garden, he used to grow these massive tomatoes. They were called. I think they're called supersonic tomatoes.And these things look like watermelons. I mean, these things were massive.And I remember as a little kid, we were walking through the garden one day, and he says, I gotta go out to the garden and I gotta prune the tomato plants. And I'm like, what do you mean? He says, I gotta pull the suckers off.He called it suckers because he said there was a piece that would come off the vine that would make smaller tomatoes. And he says, but what I want is the bigger tomatoes, the juicier tomatoes, the better tomatoes. Well, guess what? That took time. It was steady.My grandfather would spend hours out in the garden pruning the seasons of that. But he recognized that to the end, he would have better fruit, more prosperous fruit. So let me ask you this.Are you willing to trust the gardener even when the cutting hurts? And waiting as long as. As my grandfather was working on those tomato plants, he was the gardener. Well, God's our gardener, right? The cutting hurts.When God corrects us, when God shows us that weight is not working, when he shows us it's not going to happen overnight. God has helped me immensely on my weight loss. But there have been struggles throughout. There have been rebounds.There have been times when I was up and down again. In the last, what is it, 10 months now, I've lost 60 pounds. Like I'm on a journey right now. But there's been setbacks.There have been days when it hasn't been so easy. And there have been days when I have cried out in hurting because it's like, lord, I don't think I can do this. And it's taken a long time.This did not happen overnight. But do I trust the gardener? Do you trust the gardener? Which leads me to this lie. Lie number four. You just need to power through it alone.Isolation breeds focus. If you just get by yourself, isolate yourself, culture tells us the lone wolf, right? The achiever, lone wolf thing.You know, you can do it on your own. But the problem is, being a lone wolf is another huge lie. Because when you're alone, you avoid the tough work of real accountability.See, that's the thing. What I have found, I use my own example, is weight loss. When I've had accountability, that's when I'VE been the most successful.My wife and I are doing it together right now. And let me tell you, right now, we're both seeing huge results. Here's the problem with seeing good results, man. I got to buy all new clothes.Nothing fits anymore. You're going to laugh. Not even my shoes fit anymore.But that accountability, what my wife and I are talking about, what are you going to have for dinner tonight? We have that accountability. Well, we could eat crap, we could eat garbage.And we could start to go back down that road of making bad decisions and cultural tape. Oh, do it yourself. You can do it. You can be the lone wolf, man. You just got a power on. You can do this. But let me ask you this.Do you really think you can grow, I mean, really grow without friends to challenge you?I don't know about you, but some of my friends have been my biggest cheerleaders, for lack of a better term, of helping me through this season of my life. Once you start to see results, it kind of feeds on itself. There's momentum there.But when I'm having one of those rough days, I'll call a friend and say, hey, you know, I need some help today. And see, the biblical truth is isolation kills that growth. Big takeaway from Christianity.It's about the community, see, because you need people who will hold you accountable to your spiritual walk as well. Who's your accountability person? Who in your life right now who loves you enough to tell you hard truths?Who's willing to take those pruning shears to you? Yeah, not an easy thing. But who do you know in your life right now that can give you the hard truth and say, hey, you need to make a change here.You're going down a road that's not working. You know, it talks about in the Bible, if you find one true friend, you found an amazing thing.If you have that person in your life, man, thank God for them. And if you're that person for somebody else, realize the massive role that you have for them because they can't do it themselves.The most successful programs, Alcoholics Anonymous, all those type of programs, work best because of why it's a community. You have a sponsor. You have somebody that walks alongside with you because you need that accountability. You can't do this alone.Let's get to the fifth lie. And that is the most sinister lie of them all. Worth is measured by accomplishment and awards, man. How many times have I bought into that?He that ends with the most toys wins, right? You got the most stuff, you win. That's a cultural lie. See, the world measures success by fame and fortune and achievements and stuff.Here's the problem. When that high feeling fades, and it will. When that award is broken, you can't figure it out what it is anymore. What do you have left inside?Oh, I was an award winner. One of the things I've studied is people who have won different awards.Maybe they were at the top of their game of athletes or maybe Miss America or Miss whatever Universe pageant, man, when they were at the high man, they were just feeling super. But then as time passed, they weren't the top anymore. You talk about looking at some research is just amazing.The amount of just terrible depression that these people have. Look at the people who have won Olympic medals. I've talked about that on one of my shows in the past.They talk about the downfall of that when you get down to a point of depression. But that's because you're measuring yourself by fame and achievements. But the Bible does it differently.Biblical truth says God measures success by the fruit of the spirit. What did it say earlier? You will bear much fruit. Those are things like love, joy, peace. See, that's the kind of fruit that changes your heart.It's not about an award. You're not going to win the award. I'm the best Christian award doesn't exist. Oh, I'm the most, I pray the most award.I attended the most days at church this year. Award, Big deal. What's the fruit? Because you can look at a person and see, do they have love in their heart? Do they have joy in their heart?Is there peace in their heart? See, that's the fruit that matters. Is there any success in the world that can truly give you unshakable inner peace? I don't think so.I've never found it. But those are the lies, and we're surrounded by those lies. But the big takeaway is this surrender.So let's start today talking about how do you start living the surrendered life? Because that's what we're talking about, right? We're talking about realizing that I can't do this on my own. I need God.I need Christ in my life to do this. But, Ralph, how do I do that? Well, here's how you start. Start your day by giving up control, not by checking that stupid telephone of yours.So let me ask you right now, can you commit just five minutes to giving God the reins every morning before you put your feet on the ground, before you grab at that cell phone and see what happened last night? Just a simple. Hey, God, what will you have for me today? Lord, I need you today. I need you to show me the way to fix this.I don't need self help, Lord, I need your help. Because let me tell you something right now, friend. God will hear that. Commit just five minutes to giving God the reins and do it first.Let that phone go. You can deal with that phone later. It's nothing I'm going to encourage you to do.Get rid of those stupid self help habits and find one faith help habit. Replace that productivity time. Everybody say, I'm going to be super productive. I've got all these habits of highly effective people.Instead, why don't you get into scripture a little bit? One of the things that I found to be extremely useful is writing down scripture. It's one thing to read it, it's another thing to write it down.There's something about writing something down that it just helps you live it, helps you commit it to memory. Yeah, yeah, you can take a picture of it, you can read it. But to actually write it down, that's one of the things I like about journaling.You know, maybe start each day by journaling. Get a piece of scripture, write it down. And what was the impact on you? That could be your five minutes every day. Here's the scripture for today.I'm going to read it, I'm going to write it, I'm going to pray about it. I'm going to say, how does this impact me? What is the self help I can get from that? And one more thing that you can do.We talked about not being able to do this on your own. Invest in a good Christian friend this week or be a good Christian friend for somebody else.Find a small group or an accountability partner that you can talk to, that you can spend time with, that you can really get engaged with. But I'm gonna get into some more concrete things that you can do, some things that you can absolutely do right now, this week to change this dynamic.Just identify one area where you've been working too hard. You bought into that approach. Man, I'm really working hard at this. I'm gonna tell you. I did this myself a couple weeks ago.I was so focused on that scale in that bathroom every morning because I wanted that number to keep going down. And God tested me a little bit. You might disagree with Ralph that do you believe God tests you?I think he was playing a game with me because I kept on going to that scale. Everyone, I'm like, wait a minute, God, wait a second, I'm doing all the right things, dude.I'm exercising every day, I'm eating less, I'm making all the right moves, I'm pushing hard. But the number wasn't moving. So the next morning I got up, I said, I'm not looking at that scale. In fact, I'm not looking at that scale for a week.I said, God, show me something, dude, because I'm losing patience. Don't ever pray to God for patience because he'll give it to you. You don't want that. But quietly, I heard him say, ralph, let me have this.You know what I did? I said, you know what? I don't care what that scale says anymore. Now, do I still care? Of course. I'm flesh, I'm human being, right?But I don't get on that scale every morning. I get on there once a week. And the next week when I got on there, I had lost seven pounds. And that was God saying, look, Ralph, I got this.Stop trying to do this on your own. I got this. Which leads me to this one. Write down one concrete way you'll stay close to him this week. Put it on your calendar.See what you put on your calendar matters. I've noticed this with people. They come in for me like I'm an accountant by trade.When they put something on the calendar, I'm like, oh, they find that important. They value me. Well, do you value God? Put it on your calendar. Make that non negotiable. Because truth. I know that feeling of being worn out.I know that emptiness that comes from success. It just doesn't matter anymore. All that striving, all this searching for growth. Isn't it completely exhausting to try to keep saving yourself?And the reason you feel empty is that you are meant to be connected to the vine. Guess who the vine is? Jesus Christ. And without him, you can do nothing. You can't fix yourself. That's the truth. You can't earn your way to peace.You're never going to get there. If you've never trusted God with your life. And today could be the day you finally stop running and start resting.What are you waiting for to finally find true rest for your soul?If this is your moment, if you're ready to let him start a good work on you, I want to invite you to pray this simple, life changing prayer with me right now. It's called the prayer of salvation. If you're ready to invite Christ into your life, all you got to do is just speak along with me.Lord Jesus, I'm tired of working so hard. I Give my life, my success, my failures, all those things, my search for growth.And I just give it to you Lord, because I believe you died for my sins and you came back to life to give me new life to renew me. And I admit right now that I cannot save myself. I've tried. I gave it all those self hope things, Lord, I tried it all.And I ask you right now to come into my heart, forgive me for my striving and make me new. Lead me, help me grow and help me walk with you daily. I want to stay close to you, Lord. Amen.Well, let me just tell you right now, if you prayed that prayer, there are celebrations in heaven going off right now. They say in the Bible when someone else has been saved, all of heaven rejoices. And I want to hear about that decision.I would love to talk to you about that decision. You can get to me by going to truthunveiledwithralph.com/decision. I want to help you start your new walk with Christ.I want to, I just want to listen to you tell me what's going on in your world because I want to see you really embrace that new relationship. Well, let's pray together. Heavenly Father, thank you for that growth, knowing that growth is your job, not our burden.And Lord, we pray for humility to let us be changed by you, for you to change us. Give us the strength when times are tough because Lord, we know there are times tough ahead of us.And give us the wisdom to value your kind of spiritual fruit over the world's success. And may our lives show the differences that surrender makes. We ask this in Jesus powerful name. Amen. I want you to remember three simple truths today.God's growth plan begins with giving up control. It starts there. You got to relinquish that control. You got to give it back to him. And remember this, growth is a process. It's not a performance.There's no performance here. There's nobody watching. Growth is a process. And as the scripture says, trust that he is finishing the good work in you even when you can't see it.And before I go, I want to share something vital with you today. This ministry Truth Unveiled with Ralph, exists to reach hurting people. That's what my goal is. That's my mission field.I want to reach people who are burned out. I want to reach people who, who are weary. I want to reach people who are struggling with doubt.And man, I could sure use your help to share this hope with the world. And the way you can do that. Your support is what makes this work possible.When you go to truthunveiledwithRalph.com/support, you're directly helping us reach more hurting people and giving them the message of lasting truth. That's why I do this show. So please consider supporting that mission today. Again, that's at truthunveiledwithRalph.com/support.And if today's message has really hit home with you, maybe you're thinking, you know what, Ralph, I know somebody right now who needs to hear this. I would love for you to share that with them. We're on YouTube. We're on Rumble. We're on all the podcast platforms.Is there somebody right now that you can send this to who needs to hear about resting in God? Just send them our website. Just send them to Truth Unveiled. It's really that simple.Truth unveiled with Ralph.com and I encourage you yourself, subscribe to the show, follow the show, help us get this truth into the hands of those who are struggling because there are so many people out there looking for the solution. And the solution is right there. It's in the name of Jesus Christ. So thank you for tuning in today. Thank you for giving me your time.And until, until next time, may God truly show his truth in your life. Amen. Have a great day.